[klyrs]

If you want to meet people, there's a lot of skill and patience required, no matter the venue.

Dancing is rather uniquely suited to meeting people. Dancing signals fitness and physical competency directly to the lizard brain. Of course, if you're bad at those things, you won't succeed in an environment of such honest signalling.

And of course, if you go to a dance class and ask somebody out after the first session, that's desperation. If you're there just to meet people, your dishonest intent will shine through. Note that I didn't say young people should dance just to meet people -- I said that they should be dancing more, and that meeting people is a side effect. Don't be sleazy.

The real trick to meeting people is that you can't try to make people like you. You need to relax and be yourself. It takes time to establish mutual fit, and the moment that's clear, you must act decisively. At that point, any effort you put towards that specific person will have a good chance of being received well. After you've been in and out of the arms of every other person in the room over the course of several months, you'll have much better perspective on how each feels about your presence. You won't flub it, you won't ask the wrong person, and your confidence will be well-earned.

[mlyle]

Not specific to dance here, but just replying to your general thesis:

The "just be yourself" advice is so hard, because it's what actually works, but it's also difficult to do when you care about the outcome.

And, of course, it has a prerequisite of a whole lot of work to make "yourself" into something worthwhile and interesting. Of course one would like a shortcut that still works if you've not done the prior coursework. ;)

[scotty79]

> The "just be yourself" advice is so hard, because it's what actually work

For attractive people or at least those whose attractiveness is not totally niche

[klyrs]

Of the dozens of men I work with, two are eligible bachelors. Both are above-average in their physical attractiveness. I promise you, that is not what women are looking for.

[scotty79]

Is it being yourself then?

[mlyle]

Nah. I'm not conventionally attractive. But still, figuring out how to better myself, and then just -relax- and be myself, was what built meaningful connections.