[scarface_74]

So for context so I don’t get accused of being antisocial, my job for three and half years until last year was (at least post Covid) flying across the country talking to directors and CxOs and ground level employees working in the consulting department (full time) for the $BigTech company based in Seattle.

Before that, I spent years talking to the “business” as an in house architect for two companies.

My coworkers are not my family nor are they people I need to “bond” with. We work well together, I do a lot of mentoring and teaching, etc.

I’ve had 9 and hopefully soon 10 jobs in almost 30 years.

Whatever bad things I can say about Amazon (and I have a shit ton of bad things to say about Amazon), they did teach me how to work in a mostly remote culture. The department I worked in was remote before Covid and is still exempt from the RTO requirements. I’m no longer working there

Currently I keep in touch with 3 people I’ve ever worked with and one of those three is my wife.

I don’t want to live in a high cost city and in fact I moved to Florida partially because it was a state tax free state and low cost of living.

[s1artibartfast]

The money question is did you work in person with your wife, and do you think you would have started the relationship if you were remote coworkers?

Maybe I'm small minded, but I struggle to imagine people starting office romances from remote relations.

[scarface_74]

That statement might not have been clear. I meant in my entire career there are only three people I keep in touch with that I have ever worked with (well actually five) including my wife.

I started dating my now wife in 2011. I wasn’t working remotely then.

But at 37, I had an active social life and a large friend group of people outside of work from the gym. I was in the fitness industry as a part time fitness instructor. In an alternate universe I might have gotten serious about someone in my friend group.

You would be amazed at how easy it is to meet woman as one of the few straight male fitness instructors.

My wife and I moved to a new city last year. I make it a point to fly back to our former city around once a quarter to hang out with a group of friends to play cards, we travel together with another friend group at Least once a year and we end up in each others city for random reasons throughout the year and I go to my childhood home/where I went to college to go to football ganes with some of my college friends

[paulcole]

> My coworkers are not my family nor are they people I need to “bond” with. We work well together, I do a lot of mentoring and teaching, etc.

What you’re describing is literally bonding.

[scarface_74]

Isn’t that the job of every “senior” developer? That’s part of the leveling guidelines at every tech company that I’ve seen.

[paulcole]

Yes, isn’t it fun to learn that the thing you thought you didn’t want/need to do at work you’ve been doing this whole time?

If you disagree, I’d love to know what you think bonding is.

[scarface_74]

So doesn’t that go against not being able to “bond” remotely?

[paulcole]

Did I ever say a team couldn’t bond remotely?

You’re the one who felt as though “bonding” with people at work was beneath you — seemingly regardless of whether it was in person or remote — and who then went on to describe things you do at work which were excellent examples of bonding.

[scarface_74]

This all started from the original reply I commented on..

> WFH only is low quality experience for me. No close bonding. Just zoom calls. Hybrid/Flex is the way to go I think. No need to be in the office 100%, but show up if you can.