[DagsEoress]

I don't know you, but I am also in my mid 30s, work a boring (but comfortable) tech 9-5 job, and have been trying to build something on the side for a while. I have a great girlfriend, earn a decent amount of money, own a house, am healthy and work out. So we do seem similar, but I did abuse alcohol and more. Tried to find pleasure in hedonistic ways.

A few years ago I started asking myself: "Is this it? Is this all that life has to offer? What's the point?". I was raised secular, and never knew spirituality or religion, but decided to delve in. I was, however, very much against Christianity and was willing to try anything except that. Long story short, after reading about religions, history, theology, I ended up becoming a proponent of the thing I hated the most.

Now I see beauty in life, and especially the future. My fiance and I are getting married, we now go to Church, we're both looking forward to starting a family.

I don't know if you're religious in any way, or interested at all. I was definitely not interested the first 30 years of my life.

If you'd like: I'd be willing to get into contact with you if you need to talk. Not to convert you to Christianity, but since we seem similar in this very narrow scope, maybe we can both learn from each other.

Regardless, I truly hope you find your salvation, as I have found mine. God bless!

[silverquiet]

I was raised Catholic but lost the belief quite young. Not to be an edgy atheist, but it was basically lost along with Santa. I probably spent a decade trying to believe, but to no avail. I think having a chronic pain condition from a young age probably makes it difficult to believe in any sort of loving force in the world, and then a few observations about the way people who say they follow these religions actually behave will often further disabuse one of that notion.

[DagsEoress]

I'm sure I don't have to explain Christian theology to you. It's very sad that you have to go through this physical pain, as well losing faith as a result.

As for people who say one thing and do something else. People are fallen and hypocrites. I myself an still trying to do better, but I realize I'm still full of anger. I hope to better myself eventually.

Out of curiosity; did your spiritual life end with Christianity? Or did you continue your search?

[silverquiet]

I stopped seeing anything as much as a unified Christian theology long ago and now I doubt that any two people sitting next to each other in a pew are even really worshipping the same god; god is merely an idea that each individual holds in their head. I think whatever part of the brain that allows one to believe in the supernatural is simply missing from me, but I wish I was capable of believing.

[DagsEoress]

That's very interesting. But if two people are friends with a person, don't they have a different view of that same person? They might be friends with a different idea / perspective of that person, but it is still the same person.

It might not mean much to you, but I'll pray for you. I wish you the best!