[caprock]

First, there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling. It's a signal, and it's great that you're giving it consideration.

It sounds like you're in need of a Purpose. Like many folks in modern times.

Casually and broadly speaking, I'd say you have a couple of paths forward. Neither is a short-term holistic solution. These paths aren't mutually exclusive either.

1. Focus on creating and solidifying a family

Many many people trudge through boring and uninspiring work, all for purpose of providing and protecting for a family. There's great motivation and satisfaction in this. Don't be afraid of traditional gender roles and arrangements, and take pride in this accomplishment. Find good role models and mentors for this early, to help understand how to think about these challenges and gain fulfillment from them.

2. Refactor and keep trying with clear short-term goals

Regarding your business(es). The majority of successfully independent people have tried numerous things before succeeding. Repeatedly I hear the successful people say to keep trying. It's hard.

So, keep trying. Maybe you need to diversify your efforts and try some different services, products, businesses. Whatever your focus, set some more specific and short-term goals. When you have clearer goals, and you focus on those goals (with action), then other things like the 9-5 lose attention and focus. You shift from ruminating on the frustrations and instead attend to the goals and the possible.

Good luck!

[mooreds]

Having a family is underrated IMO. Just gives you so much more perspective. And you can't know that until you do it.

Reminds me of this podcast on "Vampires, Life Choices, and Transformation": https://www.econtalk.org/l-a-paul-on-vampires-life-choices-a...

[kylebenzle]

Sure, until you make a little money and she leaves you to take the house, kids, 1/2 your money and 30% off the top of your salary for the next 10 years.

Seriously, there is a VERY good reason men are refusing to start families in the US and brith rates are dropping. I tell my son and all young men I meet, "DO NOT get married or have kids in America until they rollback no fault divorce". Until then all financial incentives are for the woman to walk away as soon as you have any assets or substantial income. You saying it's "underrated" is a joke I hope, many of us would LOVE to have a family but financial incentives and society are against it.

The laws are slowly changing but places like Ohio are still in the dark ages, defaulting to 100% custody for the mother even AFTER paternity is legally established!

We are fighting for the passage of Ohio House Bill 14 that defaults to 50/50 custody but people like the Ohio House Bar Association and lawyers fight to keep us in the dark ages while the profit wildly.

[mooreds]

Heya, sorry to hear about your experiences. I know precisely zero folks who have been in that situation (wife leaving as soon as some money is made) but it sounds horrible. I do know folks who have been through divorce and I don't think it is as flippant a decision on anyone's part as you imply. My comment was based, as all comments are, on my experience.

Lots of reasons for birth rates dropping, for sure, according to data: https://www.pewtrusts.org/en/research-and-analysis/issue-bri...

[kylebenzle]

I'm just saying there is a VERY good reason for intelligent young men to avoid marrage like the plague. The second you say, "I do" the countdown timer starts and divorce in America is broken, biased and expensive.

[alien_robot]

> Don't be afraid of traditional gender roles and arrangements, and take pride in this accomplishment.

Maybe consider defying gender roles -- and not just those roles, all the expectations that brought you to this point.

The OP's post resonates pretty deeply with me - I've been disillusioned with my career (and my expectations of it) for a long time. Expectations met reality, and I, too, am unhappy with the status quo.

Okay, maybe lean into a family. Maybe don't, and don't buy into the traditional gender roles. Maybe find some way give up all the expectations you've had - and cultivate your own happiness in defiance of what has been indoctrinated into you your entire life. College, careers, marriages...perhaps all of these institutions should be questioned as you forge your own path.

Side note: I have nothing figured out. I have only just recognized that I am not fulfilled by my career and that working for $GIANT_MEGACORP in $PRESTEGIOUS_ROLE does not give me purpose. My extended mid-life crisis continues.

[caprock]

Indeed, it's an interesting and alluring point to defy. My experience so far is that it's not so easy to distinguish between misleading indoctrination and archetypal patterns that lead to positive long term outcomes. I try to share the things I've learned that have/are leading to good outcomes.

It's also interesting how mental framing can dramatically change outcomes. There are many people out in the world building widgets. Some people try doing it for the love of the widget. Other research indicates that fulfillment in building widgets only comes after getting good at it and practicing that craft. Then others do it solely to earn money for family, hobbies, travel. This mental framing for each individual seems very related to purpose and positive outcomes.