[giantg2]

"I felt like my wife ended up with all the money"

Congrats, that's marriage. My wife and I have mostly separate finances and she still ends up with most of the money because she doesn't contribute appropriately to the bills.

Seems like spending and priorities can be a problem whether the finances are combined or separate. At the end of the day, someone has to pay for housing and save for retirement. Even if the accounts are separate, it's still "our" money, but many people don't get that.

" I believe that the details of your financial structure are less important than the process of communication and accommodation you establish around it."

This is what it comes down to.

[whateveracct]

> At the end of the day, someone has to pay for housing and save for retirement.

If you have joint finances, then you're both paying for those things whether you both work or not. If you frame it as "I work and pay bills and she spends money," you don't actually have a joint finance mindset.

[giantg2]

That's not entirely true. If someone is spending outside the budget and preventing those goals, then someone isn't paying/saving/contributing, regardless of their contribution or lack of contribution. At the end of the day you still need individual accountability towards the shared goals.

[whateveracct]

Yes both people need to embody "our" finances for it to work.

Which means - no your income/my income but our income. And no your spending/my spending but our spending.