[whateveracct]

> At the end of the day, someone has to pay for housing and save for retirement.

If you have joint finances, then you're both paying for those things whether you both work or not. If you frame it as "I work and pay bills and she spends money," you don't actually have a joint finance mindset.

[giantg2]

That's not entirely true. If someone is spending outside the budget and preventing those goals, then someone isn't paying/saving/contributing, regardless of their contribution or lack of contribution. At the end of the day you still need individual accountability towards the shared goals.

[whateveracct]

Yes both people need to embody "our" finances for it to work.

Which means - no your income/my income but our income. And no your spending/my spending but our spending.