[dougmwne]

Your job is now to find a new job. Push as hard as you can on job searching. Dial down the effort you are putting into your current job.

You absolutely should not stay where you are. You are also extremely unlikely to be able to make any positive changes there, the company product and needs “are what they are.”

[LettuceSand12]

I will try this. I unfortunately don’t really know how to dial down since it makes me feel guilty.

[adrianmsmith]

> since it makes me feel guilty

I know I often feel guilty if I feel I'm not giving my best, trying my hardest, and helping out as much as possible. That affects all aspects of my life, including but not limited to my job.

One thing that helps me with this guilt is when I have concrete evidence that the other party is not acting with the same worldview.

In this case, you're trying to do the right thing and help your employer, but your employer is not heeding your reasonable demands to be put on something else. Basically, they're not thinking about finding a "win win", they're only thinking about what's best for them. They reckon they can force you to stay on this project, which is best for them, therefore that's what they do.

Given that they're not making an effort to help you despite you asking them to, I think it's reasonable to not feel guilty about doing the same i.e. thinking about yourself first. I mean you're simply playing the game, where they have decided the rules, which is just doing whatever is best for the person taking the action. You did not force them to create these rules, they decided on that. And you're not imagining they have this mindset, they have demonstrated it through their actions.

And don't get distracted by words, look at the actions. They may well say "we're all team players, we help each other!" then keep you on this project. It might be tempting to believe the words they say, but their actions demonstrate their actual values.

That helps me when this sort of situation comes up, I hope that helps you a bit.

[toomuchtodo]

Work on processing the feeling. No need to feel guilty, it’s just work. It won’t matter in the end anyway. If you quit tomorrow, they’d just put another human cog in the machine.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/how-to-stop-feelin...

[robocat]

We can naively split the world into two types of people: givers and takers.

I'm guessing you are a giver and you are feeling resentful because too much is being taken from you. But it is actually your choice about how much to give that causes your resentment.

Watch for how others deal with giving and taking in work and romantic situations.

The ideal solution is to find a place to work that consists mostly of givers. It is not easy to find these places - look for somewhere that people never quit because they all like who they work with.

This comment feels ill-advised and poorly thought out, but it's a way of looking at life I'm still investigating for myself. Hopefully it helps, but I fear it could harm...

[_w1tm]

> We can naively split the world into two types of people: givers and takers.

It’s a sliding scale and not set in stone. I used to be too much on the giver side until burnout forced me to learn how to apportion my time better.

At the end of the day, most employers pay you to spend x hours per day solving their problems and thus creating value. If you stretch and give them more than you are obligated to then is it really their fault or your fault? You should use neutral phrases like “I don’t currently have bandwidth for this” or “I can’t make any promises because X is a higher priority”. Your manager most likely has no clue of how overloaded you are and will appreciate being informed before it becomes a medical issue.

Of course, some employers are toxic and will not take no for an answer. These are the exception to the rule and the only resolution really is finding a new job.

[robocat]

A better word for takers might be users.