[coldtea]

>I can imagine all the birds in the dinosaur times felt wrong because they weren't t-rexes. Well, that's what saved them in the end

It's not about birds in dinosaur times though - as an analogy I mean.

It's more about a particular bird being different from others of its species of bird.

This could be an advantage to their life and acceptance (e.g. they might be too pretty or stronger) or usually a big detriment to their life and the acceptance they get from their peers.

And given that "wrong" is basically socially defined as "the opposite on the majority is like and agrees to", being different in that sense is as good as being wrong.

[BLKNSLVR]

Additionally, being asexual is 'wrong' in a life / procreation sense. It's a kind of dead-end personality trait.

(I'm specifically not saying 'wrong' for existing in society or having value to offer the world and, actually, if environmental factors make a difference to this sort of thing, then asexuality could well be increasingly common as a response to the state of the world vis-a-vis climate change and resource usage and all the other bad things humanity hath wrought)

[mbivert]

> Additionally, being asexual is 'wrong' in a life / procreation sense. It's a kind of dead-end personality trait.

I think that's a bit too reductive: asexuality ≠ not having kids. Even people who dislike the dentist won't mind going if it benefits them.

However, there might indeed be an issue in finding a properly fitting other half, but it seems[0] that the trait is not that uncommon either (order of magnitude seems to be about 1%).

[0]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality#Prevalence

[kayodelycaon]

The issue is asexuality isn’t used as a precise word. Some definitions are self-limiting in that way but not all.

I completely lack sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean I can’t have and enjoy sex for other reasons.

Sexual attraction isn’t necessary to desire children. And lack of it is not a hinderance if you don’t mind the process. ;)

[em-bee]

what is sexual attraction?

is it seeing someone and wanting to have sex with them? it never occurred to me that not wanting to have sex with everyone i find otherwise attractive is something unusual.

if anything i think many problems today come from people wanting to have sex with anyone they feel attracted to, or choosing a partner only because they are sexually attracted.

instead of choosing a partner because they love them and only wanting to have sex with them because of that love.

seems to me that being able to enjoy sex in the way you say is the better and healthier approach.

i think i feel similar to you and i always felt that this is normal and that sexual attraction is a concept sold by media and advertising. i never considered myself asexual because of it. i don't think sexual attraction mattered much in choosing a partner at least until a century ago or so.

[kayodelycaon]

> what is sexual attraction?

The best way I can describe sexual attraction is having an emotional level awareness of sex as a category. It's not limited to physical appearance. There is something would make you want to have sex with another person.

> instead of choosing a partner because they love them and only wanting to have sex with them because of that love.

Given what you already said, this isn't a question an asexual person is likely to ask. They would already know the answer. :)

> seems to me that being able to enjoy sex in the way you say is the better and healthier approach.

Not really. I don't understand why sex is important. I don't understand why anyone would want to go out of their way to have it.

Sure, it's fun, but not enough to justify all the hype about it. If you want to get hot and sweaty, can we go play laser tag and gang up on some over-confident teenagers instead?

Why the heck does the entire history of human society care about this?

What would get me to want sex? When it's an add-on to another fun activity. Cuddling and sex! I'm listening. (Note to self, never suggest naked laser tag again.)

Hope that helps! :)

[em-bee]

There is something would make you want to have sex with another person.

i have never felt anything like that.

Given what you already said, this isn't a question an asexual person is likely to ask. They would already know the answer. :)

i wasn't actually asking a question but making a statement.

i think my understanding and my feelings about this are much closer to yours than i am comfortable describing in detail in a public post here. (but i am open to continue this conversation in private, as i am very interested in getting a better understanding about this question.)

I don't understand why sex is important.

i understand it about as well as i understand why people want to have a car. (i don't have a car, and i don't drive). more specifically, i see sex as just one of the many ways that one can show affection to someone else. the trouble is that it has been overloaded with taboos and expectations unlike most other forms of showing affection. and i agree it is overhyped.