[HeOwnsTwitter]

Yep, age 7 and 11 were peak bullying ages. Verbal and physical abuse, scapegoating. Ignored and blamed by administration. Parents from an era where “boys will be boys”.

Now: Homeless and broke. Out of work for a long time. I let people shit all over me, even in adulthood.

I was told that adulthood would be different. In fact, it was the same as childhood, but more insidious.

I pray for death being unable to commit suicide. Failed attempts. I don’t want any help. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

Related: is it weird that the identity of my childhood bully ostensibly exists on some dossier in possession by a big tech company, and has been used as part of a demoralization campaign? How would I even know if this had occurred intentionally? Seems to me that the information secrecy and closed source nature of social media big tech firms is ripe for abusing data as part of malicious psychological warfare: bullying on algorithmic steroids. I am quite sure that this has happened to me repeatedly (google, twitter), yet there’s no pathway to inquire, etc. no accountability, no transparency. Unlike other hn users, I don’t have insider friends at those orgs to inquire.

[irfwashere]

I have felt the same way at times. Just not waking up, so nobody can say that I quit.

My advice is to focus on healing your self with therapy sessions. Assuming this might sound like bad advice to someone who is broke try to figure out which free resources are available. Maybe subreddits or users willing to help pro bono.

Just the fact that you want to inquire about social media being weaponized against you is something that I would say just log off, don't let it even get to you. There's a reason why people deactivate their social accounts. Maybe it has happened but that shouldn't concern you. Your well being is and that involves difficult conversations challenging your thoughts and expectations.

Adulthood is more insidious in this respect, yes. Because our country lacks basic things like a national health care system that can help us. We have an infinite budget for wars but the notion of helping one another is blasphemous. So you're on your own in that sense, unfortunately.

The mind is funny, it can be our best friend or own worst enemy. Do everything in your power to love and care for yourself. Everything flows from there. Your situation is not unusual or embarrassing. You're not the first and won't be the last person to experience it. Build yourself up, don't break yourself down.

[neilv]

Parent commenter should look up Medicaid in their state.

The city or state should have people to help with the forms, including social workers.

From there, they can also get connected with licensed mental health counselors.

[jahsome]

We sound similar. In my case, inpatient treatment (looney bin) has helped immensely, especially when I found myself with no where else to go.

I hope you find the peace you deserve.

[15457345234]

That's a drastic response and I'd like to say - as a person that is in good mental health - that I've observed exactly the same type of unpleasant psychological manipulation by way of the big social platforms.

I made the mistake of discussing potential relationship issues using FB messenger, over the course of a couple of weeks my feed became almost entirely toxic memetic content; infidelity memes, cuckoldry memes, 'man up bro' type of content, incel content and a lot of gradual 'pushing out'; videos of men in the woods alone hunting, people living 'happily' in vans with dogs, alone, always alone, and with a vague hint of 'you can get your revenge' thrown in there - no specific 'calls to action' but a general destabilising push. Some of it was really really awful and bleak; the man alone in the woods hunting realising the only person he can trust ever is his ever-faithful dog, it was really toxic. Also 'homeless' - I think one day I must have seen the word 'homeless' in literally every single comment I opened. I've never seen a word so many times in my life. It was incredibly strange.

I could see a person who was already quite unhappy and isolated being driven to do something really stupid if they didn't protect themselves by pulling the plug, which I did.

In addition just about every single comment section everywhere has people stirring up drama. Reddit has had to ban 'crime' posts from local city subreddits because people flood the subs with endless 'CRIME EPIDEMIC STAY INSIDE IT'S SAFE INSIDE' type posts that serve only to create tons of anxiety. It's not accidental, it's something that's being done.

I do think that a lot of the issues with homelessness, migratory behaviour and isolation within society are caused by these platforms pushing this sort of 'ah just give up on society, be an island' mentality on people.

I'd say that it's now very very hard to maintain a normal state of mental health if you make extensive use of these platforms; very hard but doable if you confine yourself to a desktop, almost impossible if you have the apps on your phone.

[jahsome]

Is there such a thing as a "drastic response" to suicidal ideation?

[15457345234]

I think plenty of people have suicidal ideation, especially in moments of despair. I don't really believe it needs a drastic response and checking yourself in - especially if you believe you're being persecuted - is likely to get you nothing helpful and is way over the top. Because it isn't like you're going to receive expert and specialised treatment at a public health facility (which is where you'll go if you're on a hold) - they'll peg you as having some sort of paranoia issue, shoot you full of thorazine and stick you on a bed for 72h because that works 95% of the time and frankly that's all they have the resources for.

[jahsome]

Your response is very ignorant and you're clearly in no position to be dispensing advice. What you're doing is dangerous. Please stop. This is my last reply to you.

[15457345234]

I'd like to remind you that you initiated the conversation by using the phrase 'looney bin' which is inherently disrespectful, disparaging and conveys the impression that a person who exhibits suicidal ideation is a 'looney' when, in fact, it is quite common according to modern psychiatric literature.

People do despair and do think of ending their lives, however inpatient treatment - which usually entails an immediate loss of income because most people in that state are in precarious day-to-day jobs where they'll be fired for not showing up unexpectedly - can very often make things worse.

In addition it's quite true that public health facilities are under-resourced and can't really do anything with someone that's saying 'I want to kill myself because my life sucks' apart from throw them a metaphorical shrug, some mild sedatives (I know they don't use thorazine any more, I was being hyperbolic) and keep them under observation. Maybe there's time to fit one meeting with a counsellor in there. There are thousands of 'I was involuntarily committed and they just let me watch TV for four days, when I came out I'd lost my job and my house' stories on social media that corroborate what I'm saying.

Counselling and therapy help but those are generally reliant on having an income and the time to find those resources. Generally a trip to the 'looney bin' immediately eliminates both of those.

I think what _you're doing_ is dangerous. Please stop.

And don't use the words 'looney bin' again. Ever.

[deepfriedchokes]

Solutions are available. Use them. It isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort. You can do it. Don’t give up hope in your ability to heal and grow. If we give up hope we are lost.

[tinycombinator]

Could you elaborate on "demoralization campaign" and the "psychological warfare" happening?

[15457345234]

Read my other comment. I've observed very clearly before the social platforms throwing toxic content at you when you're discussing life troubles using their messenger applications. It's very unpleasant.

[goodluckchuck]

Facebook published research years ago showing the ability to manipulate users’ moods by changing the content on their feed and measuring engagement / sentiment of their subsequent posts.

[CamelCaseName]

Demoralization campaign..?

[HeOwnsTwitter]

Yes, for instance if a big tech company knows that a person is demoralized already (for example, out of work and isolated), and if a major life trauma event occurs for that person, create a satirical and insulting depiction of that trauma event for the person unannounced on their personalized feed. They will never know for sure whether it was intentional, which will add to the stress and demoralization effect. The big tech parter could conceivably then measure their response to help refine the psychological warfare weapon.

Another technique is to use past trauma events such a divorce or childhood abuse as part of customized content on one’s feed.

Without transparency, how could one know if this was being done intentionally or not? Big tech valuations are largely tied to information asymmetry and secrecy as such. What power could they enjoy over a user if the user was able to see all of the data they hoard and how it’s being used in full transparent detail?

[goodluckchuck]

I’ve been told to never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by incompetence. I’ve never found that to be convincing, because there are a lot of malicious people in the world. Then I realized the more salient point that malicious actors generally do no more harm than the incompetent folks.

[HeOwnsTwitter]

Reasonable.

No transparency, though. Cannot be sure.

[hristov]

Where do you live?

[HeOwnsTwitter]

USA