[calamari4065]

Incorrect. Demanding that autistic people change their entire personality to match your expected social norms is toxic and abusive behavior.

I would press you to reflect on why you think you have the right to tell a stranger how to behave. Why your opinion of "correct" behavior is the only possible valid option.

People like you have this assumption that autistic people somehow owe you. That you expect them to go through a great deal of stress and effort to act they way you want. If they do, you give them nothing in return. If they instead prioritize their own comfort and wellbeing, you give them abuse and call them toxic.

Edit: for perspective, telling an autistic person they're toxic for doing what they need to cope is the same as calling a person in a wheelchair toxic because everyone else has to walk slower to keep up. This is abuse and does real harm to people.

[gtirloni]

> I would press you to reflect on why you think you have the right to tell a stranger how to behave

Isn't that what OP is doing to coworkers?

[g4zj]

Nope. I only expect that my coworkers and I come to agreements on how we will function as a team (read: establish roles and processes) and then make a reasonable effort to stick to what is agreed upon, while discussing any emerging need for changes along the way.

These agreements should take everyone's individuality into account to find a balance or compromise in terms of personal preference and overall comfort (not to mention meeting the goals of the team from technical and business perspectives) which everyone involved finds acceptable.

My comfort is no more or less important than that of others.

[gtirloni]

I'm not saying that what you're doing is right or wrong. Apart from minor details, I think you are right.

I'm just pointing out the obvious: we are all telling others how to behave to a certain extent.

[calamari4065]

There's a subtle difference. OP is saying "I'm disabled and I can't/need help to do X"

The response is "disabled people don't need accommodation, you should just act like you're not disabled no matter the personal cost"

The difference is between asking for help and setting boundaries for what you can tolerate, and telling someone else they're a bad person for being disabled.

One is reasonable, if annoying. The other is a direct attack on an individual.

[gtirloni]

Are you sure you want to use terms like disabled and attack to have a productive discussion about this?

[cookiengineer]

In all countries of the EU, if you are diagnosed as autistic, you get a disabled passport just as any other disability.

40% disability is very common for diagnosed autistic people, meaning they are categorized with the same amount of impact on their wellbeing as crippled, wheelchaired, or mentally impacted people.

So I think the discussion and comparison that calamari4056 started is very well reasoned and makes sense in the context of "what society expects of you" vs "what you can expect of society".

[calamari4065]

Yes.

I'm not sure why you're implying that disabled is a dirty word. That's the word that pretty much every disabled person uses to describe a disability. It's the official legal term for the same.

And yeah, it's a personal attack when you tell someone they're a bad person for having a disability that inconveniences you.