[corethree]

If you ever been married you'll know an aspect of this is true. You can't be fully honest and open with your partner.

A simple example demonstrates the case. It's unlikely for your partner to be your top choice. It's just a statistical given... But you can never reveal that. That's where the dishonesty and "pretend" comes in. And this is just one example of many.

There is always going to be an aspect of "pretend" in every relationship.

Sure Incels are extreme in one end of the spectrum. But the status quo is also a bit extreme in the sense that its description of relationships is a little too idealistic.

[1shooner]

>It's unlikely for your partner to be your top choice. It's just a statistical given... But you can never reveal that.

Another possibility is to have a shared understanding of your relationship that isn't based on this deception/omission/pretense. I'd say that's the norm in stable long-term relationships, from those that I know.

[corethree]

You know of couples who talk about how their partners aren't their first choice openly or how they think other people are more attractive? If it exists it's incredibly rare.