[jfengel]

It's not exactly hilarious. There's a germ of a good idea.

I think it may need tightening. The "Jack Handy" concept is deliberately slow, so you need to make each word count.

If you delivered the same gag as stand up it would take just a few seconds. As it is there's no build and no payoff to the parody of low-key motivational vid.

[bryantgillespie]

Thanks! Exactly the type of feedback I was after.

You feel it's the joke / script that needs tightening? or the actual delivery?

[jfengel]

The delivery pace is dictated by the format. I might tighten it a bit but it's effectively doing the thing it's aiming for.

Which means that the text needs to be tightened within an inch of its life. That's tricky to do right.

[bryantgillespie]

Agreed. Thanks for clarifying.