[shepherdjerred]

> all women have to do is ignore or deny the advance, how is that "dealing with bullshit"?

Most men are decent, but plenty of men are aggressive, scary, or make women very uncomfortable.

If you ask someone out respectfully, of course that's fine. If you're not taking no for an answer, being hostile, or making someone feel very uncomfortable/unsafe, then you're not doing the right thing.

[kstenerud]

Actually, even the polite men are being creepy. Hitting on someone you barely know, in a business environment, is just creepy cringe.

Yeah, sure, you're being a "gentleman" by backing down when she inevitably rejects such an inappropriate advance, but after the hundredth insta-suitor, it gets old and even stressful and anxiety inducing.

[shepherdjerred]

I totally understand, but I don't really know the answer. Men who are more aggressive (in an appropriate or inappropriate manner) tend to be more successful.

So, as a man, your options are to:

1. Ask fewer women out so that you are more respectful. This likely means you'll have less success dating.

2. Ask more women out, even in environments that might be uncomfortable, e.g. a server, co-worker, etc. They're going to have more success dating.

Again, I totally understand this sucks for women, but men don't have great options here either.

[kstenerud]

The answer is to learn to read the signals people give off when they're interested. The "more aggressive" men just aren't reading the signals. So they ask and get shot down. And they get a lower quality of relationship in the rare cases of success since they're merely playing the odds.

Get to know someone before asking them out. Find out what they're like. Know what you're like, and what kinds of people you're compatible with. Your 20s and in some cases even 30s are your opportunity to learn.

Just blindly asking someone out is lazy and rude.