[kemotep]

Then why do so many kids scream their heads off and have temper tantrums when the phone is taken away?

I can’t read the article at this time as it says that the site has reached its limit and I have been rate limited and blocked. Some kind of wordpress add on called wordfence?

[janosdebugs]

> Then why do so many kids scream their heads off and have temper tantrums when the phone is taken away?

Taking things away as a method of enforcement doesn't seem to be all that effective and it undermines the kid's self determination. The only thing it does make kids angry and disappointed. A lot of kids have to live by arbitrary rules that don't make any sense, or if they do, haven't been explained to the kid. "Go to your room" and taking things away need to go away from the parenting toolkit, they just lead to kids who get accustomed to going behind the parents' back.

[hfiebwiosn]

> they just lead to kids who get accustomed to going behind the parents' back

This is really the behavior you’re trying to correct. Your kid needs to learn low trust behaviors are absolutely not acceptable. You won’t have many friends or responsibilities if you don’t learn this.

A lot of parenting is teaching your kids how to remain trustworthy when it’s hard. Anything above that (go to your room, did you do your homework, make sure you’re home at 9) is relatively inconsequential.

[janosdebugs]

Unfortunately, from what I see it achieves exactly the opposite. The kids who have experienced an authocratic parenting style seem to be the ones most likely to do something untoward (~11-12 year olds).

[swatcoder]

> A lot of kids have to live by arbitrary rules that don't make any sense, or if they do, haven't been explained to the kid.

Yes, and that’s what all humans experience throughout their whole lives.

If kids aren’t exposed to measured loss and frustration in the thoughtful safety of their home, they won’t develop the skills needed for adulthood, where loss and frustration may not be so measured and constructive.

While lying is one coping skill they might develop, there are many others, and a helping role of the parent is in helping the kid find good alternatives.

[ravenstine]

In fairness, taking any thing away from children and having them scream in response has been pretty standard fare since time immemorial. At least that's always been my impression. As an adult, I'd be pissed if someone decided to take away the Macbook I'm typing on because of their subjective opinion that I did a naughty thing.

[kemotep]

But at least you can understand why watching skibidi toilet is inappropriate during family dinner. “Taking it away” can mean suggesting not watching youtube while at the dinner table.

I’m not saying that no one is just ripping the phone right out of the kids hands but my experience is that when the phone battery dies, the screen addicted kids begin to meltdown until you fix it.

[Cpoll]

> scream their heads off and have temper tantrums

Sure, but they also do that when you take away dessert. So you're on to something, ice cream causes developmental growth.

[addicted]

Your logic seems backwards.

The poster you’re replying to is saying:

Kids screaming and throwing tantrums when their screens are taken away implies that screens are bad for the kids’ development.

So, kids screaming and throwing tantrums when their ice cream is taken away implies that ice cream is bad, not good, for the kids’ development according to the poster’s logic.

I suspect most people do agree with the latter, that ice cream is bad for kids’ development, which is why everyone from doctors, parents, etc will recommend greatly moderating ice cream consumption, which is probably what most are recommending for screen time as well.

[alex_lav]

> So, kids screaming and throwing tantrums when their ice cream is taken away implies that ice cream is bad

This premise seems just flatout wrong though. Kids get mad when you take stuff from them, regardless of what they’re holding. I feel like I must be misunderstanding what’s being argued, because “if a kid gets mad that it’s taken away, it’s bad for them” seems at face value absolutely ridiculous and pretty verifiably untrue? Give a kid a bottle and then take it away and they’ll cry…

[kemotep]

My experience is that you don’t even need to physically remove the device for the tantrum to start. The battery has died and I have seen children explode and be unable to calm down until after the phone was charged back up or that parent gave their kid their own phone. I have only seen it a few times but going out to eat or to the zoo, I see kids glued to their screens all the time.

I have negative experiences with mindless scrolling youtube or reddit as an adult and understand that I have an unhealthy relationship with them due to the addictive nature and I feel my attention span has reduced over the years. If adults can have unhealthy habits with technology, why can’t small children?

Reducing the child’s dependence on a screen to stay entertained or to behave in a public setting is more like cutting your child off after a few cookies and not letting them just eat several dozen cookies for dinner than taking the bottle away.

Phones aren’t necessary like a bottle of milk is for babies.

[abracadaniel]

Grab a coworkers laptop while they’re working and see the adult version of the same internal emotional response. It’s normally about unmet expectations. Set a new expectation with a: “hey you got 5 more minutes, then we need to put it away, understand?” And follow it up with a 5 minute timer. Timer goes off and maybe a disappointed pout, but not a tantrum. The child version of scheduled maintenance.

[Cpoll]

You're right, I over-edited my post and skipped the final proofread. It needs an "impedes" somewhere in there.

Ice cream was an arbitrary choice, I could well have said French fries, or something unrelated to dietary choices.