[janosdebugs]

> Then why do so many kids scream their heads off and have temper tantrums when the phone is taken away?

Taking things away as a method of enforcement doesn't seem to be all that effective and it undermines the kid's self determination. The only thing it does make kids angry and disappointed. A lot of kids have to live by arbitrary rules that don't make any sense, or if they do, haven't been explained to the kid. "Go to your room" and taking things away need to go away from the parenting toolkit, they just lead to kids who get accustomed to going behind the parents' back.

[hfiebwiosn]

> they just lead to kids who get accustomed to going behind the parents' back

This is really the behavior you’re trying to correct. Your kid needs to learn low trust behaviors are absolutely not acceptable. You won’t have many friends or responsibilities if you don’t learn this.

A lot of parenting is teaching your kids how to remain trustworthy when it’s hard. Anything above that (go to your room, did you do your homework, make sure you’re home at 9) is relatively inconsequential.

[janosdebugs]

Unfortunately, from what I see it achieves exactly the opposite. The kids who have experienced an authocratic parenting style seem to be the ones most likely to do something untoward (~11-12 year olds).

[swatcoder]

> A lot of kids have to live by arbitrary rules that don't make any sense, or if they do, haven't been explained to the kid.

Yes, and that’s what all humans experience throughout their whole lives.

If kids aren’t exposed to measured loss and frustration in the thoughtful safety of their home, they won’t develop the skills needed for adulthood, where loss and frustration may not be so measured and constructive.

While lying is one coping skill they might develop, there are many others, and a helping role of the parent is in helping the kid find good alternatives.