[xwdv]

If you are founding a startup and you have a wife, you are more likely to fail than an entrepreneur who is single. And if you have even more commitments like kids, or other dependents, your chances only get even worse.

The best way to keep your chances of success high is to ensure your life is very fluid and open to change, and that there are no liabilities that can drag you down. If that is not possible, the only remedy is to be independently wealthy.

[renewiltord]

That's interesting. My friends run startups (a couple of billion-dollar valued ones) and to be honest, those with wives and families seem to find it easier to do. Personally, having married, I find that this is a massive boost to my personal ability.

Not only was the optionality I previously had a curse, but staying on task is much easier with a partner looking out for me, and for my part I find it easier to make good decisions when I'm thinking about this team of us over myself.

Plus there's just the fact that marrying another high-earner means you have a more stable income when the streams are diversified.

Of course every person is different and perhaps you perform better single, but my experience and what I observe of my friends is different here in our 30s.

[jbverschoor]

Totally depends on the partner.

Good partner -> better chance of a good outcome.

Bad partner -> good luck with staying sane from being surrounded in stress 24/7

[xwdv]

As an investor, if a founder's partner is considered "bad" or toxic, they will reject investing in them, as it will likely mean the startup will suffer as a result of personal relationship issues. This decreases chances of success.

[jbverschoor]

5 more karma and you can retire ;-)

[xwdv]

Not sure I’ll make it. Usually a flurry of downvotes come in and drags me back.

[jbverschoor]

lol gotta love HN

[slackfan]

Married startup founder in his 30s here.

Wife actually had her own startup for a good bit in a non-technical field, she wound that down a few years ago, now she's doing the stay with the kids thing, while I'm working to bootstrap a company.

The big thing that helps is not overlapping, while simultaneously being understanding. My wife has been my biggest source of mental stability on this crazy journey. She's my editor-in-chief, and I run my harebrain ideas past her. When I set out doing this we talked for a long time as to what the exit and breaking points are.

Startups require a certain amount of personal pride, but too many founders make the startup their entire identity, which the article exemplifies beautifully. There are too many people that treat the founder title as a status symbol. And from the article, that seems to be the case for both the subject of the article, and the author.

For me, the simple reality is if my shop can't bring in a paycheck by X date to support the family, it doesn't matter how well the startup is going, I need to go out and get a job. If that means I have to go sling contract code, or get a corporate gig, or go down to the nearest city and tend bar on the weekends, then so be it. The only way to truly fail at this game is to not play.

[renewiltord]

I think you've described exactly what I intended to express.

[NickC25]

> My friends run startups (a couple of billion-dollar valued ones) and to be honest, those with wives and families seem to find it easier to do.

Don't you think this is somewhat of an outlier?

I mean, most startups will fail. 99.9% will never be valued at a billion or more. If you're running a company you founded and it's worth over a billion, yeah, I'm sure the wife or family is just fine. Those (or that) friend(s) probably have enough equity to make it worth their while, and a wife sticking around because hubby is going to exit in a year or two with a few hundred million in liquid cash is a safe bet. It's a lot harder if your partner is running a startup that probably won't make it.

[renewiltord]

I am not. But almost every startup runs the precipice before it makes it. Very few are up and to the right. So there are always tough moments. And among those who are having the tough moments now that I know, a supportive partner is a huge benefit in that moment.

[slap_shot]

Using founders of $1B+ companies is absolutely using outliers and is evaluating survivorship bias.

As it relates to this article, a $1B+ company generally has product market fit and the founder has taken $10M+ off the table, which is more than they would have made in a regular job over a ~10 year period. The authors concerns don't apply in that situation.

[renewiltord]

I'm not using "founders of $1B+ companies" as my set. I'm using "founders who are my friends" as the set and it happens to include a couple of $1b+ companies but the majority are not (yet!).

[ukd1]

I'm not sure it's this clear cut.

I'm in the partner and kid stage, and whilst I wasn't when I did my last startup - I was mostly single and could do literally what I want, when I want - which is in a lot of ways awesome if the company is the thing you wanna do...now I am more stable (routine wise?), more driven (for family, as well as wanting a win), more experienced (that's aside from being single or not I guess), but do have more responsibilities. I'm at the edge of starting something new. Wish me luck either way.

[xwdv]

But do you think you are the exception, or the average?

[ukd1]

TBH, I've no idea. One would hope the exception, but who knows. I'm aware it's gonna be different this time around than the first time, for sure. There are obvious pros, and some obvious cons.

Either way I'm going for it though lol. I think I just need to figure out what the limits are with the fam explicitly.

[evtothedev]

> If you are founding a startup and you have a wife, you are more likely to fail than an entrepreneur who is single. And if you have even more commitments like kids, or other dependents, your chances only get even worse.

Do you have any references to back that? Because it sure does seem like older founders-- ones more likely to be married and have kids --yield outsized returns.[1]

[1] https://www.forbes.com/sites/kmehta/2022/08/23/older-entrepr...

[xwdv]

Don’t be fooled, older founders have considerably more assets and a wealth of connections in their industry, as well as older more independent children. This offsets the wife and family effects.

[ethanbond]

Which... sounds like your original claim is bullshit, ya?

[xwdv]

No, because there are a lot less older founders than younger ones. So when you extrapolate from the data it will seem that having a wife and kids is a negative for a founder’s chances of success.

[slap_shot]

You're actually proving the exact opposite of your initial claim, but at least you are now teasing out the confounding variables that actually explain this.

There is no significant causation related to a founder's marital status.

> Don’t be fooled, older founders have considerably more assets and a wealth of connections in their industry, as well as older more independent children. This offsets the wife and family effects.

> No, because there are a lot less older founders than younger ones. So when you extrapolate from the data it will seem that having a wife and kids is a negative for a founder’s chances of success.

These are the the confounding variables you were looking for. Older founders _are_ more successful and it has to do with, among other things, the experience and connections they have, and that people are more risk-averse as they start families.

_Coincidentally_, the likelihood of being married increases as one's age increases, which is why you see fewer but more successful founders at the ages they are more likely to be married.

[ethanbond]

Did you read the paper? It's not true that there are a lot less older founders than younger ones. It's roughly a bell curve with the peak around 40 years old.

[pton_xd]

> If you are founding a startup and you have a wife, you are more likely to fail than an entrepreneur who is single.

At the very least, having to explain and justify every choice and setback to a non-involved yet judgmental person sounds miserable.

[renewiltord]

That's simply an incompatibility in choice of partner. Some people want a stable financial life, with steady slow growth, and long-term planning where the trendline doesn't deviate from the projected growth.

Others want to take a shot at the moon, and financial failure in this shape is just part of the deal. If you're in the latter category and you want to pursue that but your wife is in the former category there is going to be some strife. You can't give them the certainty they desire. Someone who is expecting the success case isn't really ready for this when they're considering framing post-its after your successful IPO.

As an example, I think most partners of founders I know are easier to talk to. It's not that they're all rah-rah "you're gonna do it!". It's just that you need support and a team. Someone to run ideas by who's a friend. And if you're married to the right person, that's your wife.

[jedberg]

> At the very least, having to explain and justify every choice and setback to a non-involved yet judgmental person sounds miserable.

Sounds like the accountability every founder could only dream of having. Good founders generally seek out others that will hold them accountable (accelerators, investors, peer groups). With a spouse you get one for free!

[dotnet00]

They are involved when they're your wife/husband.

[pton_xd]

They're not involved in the startup unless they are cofounders.

[dotnet00]

Not being involved in terms of being a founder doesn't make them uninvolved.

They're involved in the same way that any of your kids would be involved. Of course your kids wouldn't be co-founders, but that wouldn't make them uninvolved parties to you taking large financial risks and dragging them down with yourself in the case of significant failure.

[jbverschoor]

Of course they are.. going on a date, dinner, spending money, reflecting or arguing, basically anything…..

It will impact you as a founder, and you, in the startup and scaleup phase, ARE the company

[yakshaving_jgt]

That’s not how things work in my experience.

Founders are still human.