[aidenn0]

> A multi generational household occurs naturally when grandma and grandpa had a stable two parent households and now mom and dad do too.

Huh? My sister and I both live more than a thousand miles away from our stable, married parents that we are on good terms with. We went where our work took us and then met and married people in that area. My sister lives several hundred miles away from her in-laws, and my in-laws (also still married) only moved to be near us when they were no longer capable of living independently (there is no way with all of their health issues that they could take care of our kids).

This goes back a generation as well, though the distances were smaller (~400 miles of driving between me and my grandparents when I was growing up).

[_greim_]

I think the point is more that multi-generational households would occur naturally, but as you alluded modern society gets in the way. I have a similar situation as you. It's interesting to imagine what policies would have incentivized us to settle down nearer our parents. Like, what would have made that a palatable option?

[aidenn0]

My sister is in academia, so she went where she could get a tenure-track position. Four months after I graduated college, I had exactly one job offer, it was on the opposite coast.

After I accepted my job far away, I did hear back from a company closer (but by no means close) to my parents, it was a one year contract for less than half what I was making in a permanent position. I would have taken a pay-cut to be closer to my parents (particularly since my SO at the time refused to relocate to California), but a non-permanent position for $30k/year just didn't seem like a wise life-choice.

[anon291]

I suppose I should revise my comment to mean that I don't think living together is a necessity. Just in close proximity.

Moreover I know many who do live close to parents and seem estranged due to broken families/mom and dad can't stand to be in the same room, etc

[aidenn0]

I was able to infer that from your original comment, but the point is that neither my sister nor I can reach my parents in a single day of driving[1], and my wife can't reach her in-laws in a single day of driving. My in-laws are very close now, but at this point we are caring for them more than they are caring for our kids.

1: I'm considering a full day of driving as 12 hours here. Different people tend to disagree with this number in either direction.

[KMag]

> neither my sister nor I can reach my parents in a single day of driving[1], and my wife can't reach her in-laws in a single day of driving.

Are you just saying you and your wife have similar driving speed and endurance, or are your wife's in-laws different people from your parents?

[aidenn0]

Too late to edit, but it's my sister who can't reach her in-laws in a single day of driving.

[em-bee]

i see your 1000+ miles and i give you 4000+ miles.

the question is, why is that? you said it yourself, you had one good job offer. what do we need to change that you would get better job offers at home?

in china the culture is that a young couple moves in with the husbands parents who often prepare/build their house with that in mind. (in simple terms, the master bedroom is for the couple, the grandparents move to a smaller room). the grandparents help take care of the grandchildren, and later the children take care of their parents.

but even there this is breaking apart. young people move across the country to get good jobs. sometimes the parents follow them. or they leave the children with the grandparents, sometimes not seeing them and their own children more than once a year.

[aidenn0]

> the question is, why is that? you said it yourself, you had one good job offer. what do we need to change that you would get better job offers at home?

Short of forcing a company to hire me, I'm not sure what can be done. There were no lack of jobs close to home (I basically went into the same profession as my dad, after all), just a lack of people who wanted to hire me specifically.

[anon291]

Why don't your parents or your in laws move? Don't they want to be with their grandchildren?

[aidenn0]

My in-laws did move, but as mentioned only after their health declined. Prior to that they would visit regularly.

My parents have so many reasons for not moving (Of course they want to see their grandchildren; they fly out 2-3 times a year and we visit every summer):

1. My dad only retired a year ago, and he still occasionally works on a contract basis

2. Which kid do they move to be close to; me or my sister? I'm on the west coast, she is in flyover country.

3. Having lived in the area for over 30 years they have many close friends and are actively involved in the local community.

4. Moving to either me or my sister would put them much further away from my maternal grandmother, who is in her 90s (right now only ~400 miles away from them).