[anon291]

I suppose I should revise my comment to mean that I don't think living together is a necessity. Just in close proximity.

Moreover I know many who do live close to parents and seem estranged due to broken families/mom and dad can't stand to be in the same room, etc

[aidenn0]

I was able to infer that from your original comment, but the point is that neither my sister nor I can reach my parents in a single day of driving[1], and my wife can't reach her in-laws in a single day of driving. My in-laws are very close now, but at this point we are caring for them more than they are caring for our kids.

1: I'm considering a full day of driving as 12 hours here. Different people tend to disagree with this number in either direction.

[KMag]

> neither my sister nor I can reach my parents in a single day of driving[1], and my wife can't reach her in-laws in a single day of driving.

Are you just saying you and your wife have similar driving speed and endurance, or are your wife's in-laws different people from your parents?

[aidenn0]

Too late to edit, but it's my sister who can't reach her in-laws in a single day of driving.

[em-bee]

i see your 1000+ miles and i give you 4000+ miles.

the question is, why is that? you said it yourself, you had one good job offer. what do we need to change that you would get better job offers at home?

in china the culture is that a young couple moves in with the husbands parents who often prepare/build their house with that in mind. (in simple terms, the master bedroom is for the couple, the grandparents move to a smaller room). the grandparents help take care of the grandchildren, and later the children take care of their parents.

but even there this is breaking apart. young people move across the country to get good jobs. sometimes the parents follow them. or they leave the children with the grandparents, sometimes not seeing them and their own children more than once a year.

[aidenn0]

> the question is, why is that? you said it yourself, you had one good job offer. what do we need to change that you would get better job offers at home?

Short of forcing a company to hire me, I'm not sure what can be done. There were no lack of jobs close to home (I basically went into the same profession as my dad, after all), just a lack of people who wanted to hire me specifically.

[anon291]

Why don't your parents or your in laws move? Don't they want to be with their grandchildren?

[aidenn0]

My in-laws did move, but as mentioned only after their health declined. Prior to that they would visit regularly.

My parents have so many reasons for not moving (Of course they want to see their grandchildren; they fly out 2-3 times a year and we visit every summer):

1. My dad only retired a year ago, and he still occasionally works on a contract basis

2. Which kid do they move to be close to; me or my sister? I'm on the west coast, she is in flyover country.

3. Having lived in the area for over 30 years they have many close friends and are actively involved in the local community.

4. Moving to either me or my sister would put them much further away from my maternal grandmother, who is in her 90s (right now only ~400 miles away from them).