Ask HN: How To Stop Feeling Like An Imposter/Fraud/Not Good Enough ETC?

[throwaway4657]

Hey Guys,

I'm submitting this on a throwaway for obvious reasons - but I really need your advice, and I think you guys are the ones who can help (I hope)!

I often have really good ideas and when I execute them, they tend to get to a decent size fairly quickly - for instance I ran a site which suffers from a chicken/egg problem and within a couple of weeks, with little marketing ($0 budget) I grew it to a few thousand users amongst other stuff I have done which has generated a decent amount of money.

However, when I often do this I feel like a 'fraud' as my ideas and execution seem so simple to me and this leads me to feeling like an imposter/fraud and not good enough to be able to do this!

As a result, its led me to not developing an idea which I'm actually really passionate about and one which I've had for a while - which is starting to see some validation - and from what I can tell will be a huge industry soon from early indications by revenue growth etc from the companies within it.

As a result, I'm asking for your help so I don't feel like an imposter/fraud and not good enough so I can pull the trigger and start developing it as well as launching it without feeling this way?

I'm not sure if its Imposter Syndrome etc I'm suffering from but, if you know what is is im suffering from, I'd really LOVE your help so I can overcome it - as well as any ideas how to overcome it or any experiences :)

Cheers Guys, Thank You!!

[squadron]

So what if you went ahead with a project despite feeling like a fraud?

Let me ask this way: do you always listen to your mind? Are your doubts and worries always right? Why must you validate such unproductive thoughts?

Why not choose a perspective that serves you besGt? You have a choice of what you believe. It's your brain and it's your life.

Time to stop listening and feeling and start executing.

TL;DR Shut up and ship.

[throwaway4657]

Thanks for your advice i really does help especially the tl;dr part :)

But, what I mean is how do I overcome the feeling of feeling like a fraud? I don't mind failing etc I just dont want to feel that way...

[squadron]

Trying to overcome a thought or feeling is like struggling in quicksand. You only give it more power and it will suck you in.

Here's what I suggest you do instead. Every time that feeling comes up, say "yeah sure, I'm a fraud" and keep on working. Keep on shipping. Try it. Actions always speak louder than words anyway.

One more thing. It's the best advice I can give you. Go listen to The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, or read the teachings of Buddha. You are thinking too much and creating suffering for yourself. These books will help you stop.

[gw666]

"Stand back...I know THERAPY!"

I can say this because I'm a tech person (senior editor, BYTE magazine, many years ago) who has an MA in Counseling Psychology and has been an intern Marriage and Family Therapist for over 5 years (and I'm this close to having my license!).

The human brain is perhaps the most wonderfully complex thing in the world, and its current state is a function of billions of things, including (conservatively) all your experiences from birth until now, plus your parents' experiences, plus DNA, plus free will, plus brain architecture, plus evolution...). Is it any wonder you don't know why you're feeling like you are, or what could possibly change things for the better?

However you feel about yourself, your accomplishments don't help--sucks, but it's the truth. There are many paths out of how you're feeling now, and there are as many paths as there are human beings--not just the ones alive today, but all the human beings who have EVER LIVED. "I want things to be better" is the task that has been given to every person, and every one has found a different solution, a different "path," from yours. There is no One True Path for everybody, and most people walk on multiple paths before they die. Walking into the future (as you are, at the rate of one day per day) is your life's work, and you decide where to tread next.

Which path is for you? Only you can make that choice. Feeling genuine is an ongoing task, sometimes an incredible struggle. (Why do I get to pontificate? Because I was once much worse screwed up than most people, and I fought my way out of it, across several decades.)

Some people find it in one of the many religions that exist. (Like @squadron, I find a lot of merit in Buddhism. I'm also a Unitarian Universalist, which is a non-dogmatic church-like community.)

Some people devote themselves to a cause greater than themselves. Service to others, in my experience, is part of every truly satisfied life.

Some people find resources that help them move themselves forward in...counseling (says Mr. "Everything Looks Like a Nail" Hammer). Counseling is available just about anywhere, often (from mental-health clinics) at a sliding scale fee. As a veteran of hundreds of hours of counseling, I can say it's the best money I've ever spent, and my life is pretty good now. (I'm 58, BTW, and the last 10 years of my life have been my happiest.)

My best advice: Give a new therapist 3 to 5 sessions, then trust your gut. If you feel comfortable talking to this person, keep going. If not, thank her (or him) and ask for some recommendations. You always have the right to do this, and only a poor therapist will take it personally. What makes therapy work, mostly, is the quality of the client-therapist relationship. This one thing is easily more important than therapist credentials, experience, therapy ideology, or a dozen other factors. If you stick with it and do the work, things will improve.

Good luck.