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"Stand back...I know THERAPY!" I can say this because I'm a tech person (senior editor, BYTE magazine, many years ago) who has an MA in Counseling Psychology and has been an intern Marriage and Family Therapist for over 5 years (and I'm this close to having my license!). The human brain is perhaps the most wonderfully complex thing in the world, and its current state is a function of billions of things, including (conservatively) all your experiences from birth until now, plus your parents' experiences, plus DNA, plus free will, plus brain architecture, plus evolution...). Is it any wonder you don't know why you're feeling like you are, or what could possibly change things for the better? However you feel about yourself, your accomplishments don't help--sucks, but it's the truth. There are many paths out of how you're feeling now, and there are as many paths as there are human beings--not just the ones alive today, but all the human beings who have EVER LIVED. "I want things to be better" is the task that has been given to every person, and every one has found a different solution, a different "path," from yours. There is no One True Path for everybody, and most people walk on multiple paths before they die. Walking into the future (as you are, at the rate of one day per day) is your life's work, and you decide where to tread next. Which path is for you? Only you can make that choice. Feeling genuine is an ongoing task, sometimes an incredible struggle. (Why do I get to pontificate? Because I was once much worse screwed up than most people, and I fought my way out of it, across several decades.) Some people find it in one of the many religions that exist. (Like @squadron, I find a lot of merit in Buddhism. I'm also a Unitarian Universalist, which is a non-dogmatic church-like community.) Some people devote themselves to a cause greater than themselves. Service to others, in my experience, is part of every truly satisfied life. Some people find resources that help them move themselves forward in...counseling (says Mr. "Everything Looks Like a Nail" Hammer). Counseling is available just about anywhere, often (from mental-health clinics) at a sliding scale fee. As a veteran of hundreds of hours of counseling, I can say it's the best money I've ever spent, and my life is pretty good now. (I'm 58, BTW, and the last 10 years of my life have been my happiest.) My best advice: Give a new therapist 3 to 5 sessions, then trust your gut. If you feel comfortable talking to this person, keep going. If not, thank her (or him) and ask for some recommendations. You always have the right to do this, and only a poor therapist will take it personally. What makes therapy work, mostly, is the quality of the client-therapist relationship. This one thing is easily more important than therapist credentials, experience, therapy ideology, or a dozen other factors. If you stick with it and do the work, things will improve. Good luck. |