[amerkhalid]

Less you know someone, happier they seem.

I have made some deep friendships with people who are always joking, laughing, etc. but when they finally open up, you realize they are also unhappy about many things. Sometimes more than serious people.

The happiest person I know is probably one of my best friends. He complains more than other people. He knows what he likes and rarely accepts alternatives. He is one of those people who will send food back if it is not cooked right. He also knows when to verbalize his issues and when to stay quiet. If he is not comfortable at a party or something, he will just leave.

He recently got a new job, didn’t like the company immediately started looking for a new job. He also runs his own business and fire his customers if they cause issues. Having dual incomes gives him some financial stability that unfortunately many people don't have. Also he has never complained about something more than once. That is because he doesn’t stay in bad situations for long.

It sounds like he might be miserable person but it is opposite. He truly loves life, is happy most of the time. Strangers and friends love him. He got a big circle of friends. We say he is eccentric and kind of love his antics.

He is artist at heart and he pursue his art very seriously (though not successful yet). If job or business gets in the way of him working on his art, he will quickly fix that. Perhaps he is happy because he has a mission in life and not letting anything stop him from getting what he wants.

[cableshaft]

You mention that he doesn't stay in bad situations for long. How is he with romantic relationships? That attitude sounds like someone who probably wouldn't stick around through the first rough patch, so probably hasn't had too many long-term romantic relationships.

Not making a value judgement, just curious if that he approaches them the same as he does with work, or if he treats those a bit differently.

[amerkhalid]

Good question, in his twenties, he dated a lot and yes he was very picky. He did have one longterm relationship in his twenties though.

He settled last among our friends group. He is about 40 now. He has been married for about 5 years and before than he was with same girl for another 2-3 years.

His wife is a bit similar to him. Though I have never heard her complain about anything but art and literature are very important to both of them. Not just that they have very similar likes and dislikes. One major difference might be she is vegan and he is not. While every couple has their issues but, tbh, it seems they have fewer issues than average.

So it is like he found his soulmate and he is able to commit. (No kids yet.)

[davidschof]

I really want him to reply now. Interested if his self-perception is that he is one of the happiest people he knows.

[amerkhalid]

Ok I got curious too and texted him asking what he thought of his happiness level compared to an average person.

And his answer totally destroys everything I just said about him. He thinks he is less happy than an average person. He is happy but thinks average person is happier.

(I will stop now, and continue this discussion with him when we meet in person).

[raspo]

It’s funny, as I was reading the story of your friend, I found a lot of myself in it (minus the second job)… or at least the way I was up until 5-6 years ago, when I somehow convinced myself that I should “settle down”, adapt to the situations I’m given, and stop being so opinionated all the time.

So I stuck around with the same job that I didn’t like, only because it was good enough, decent pay, and more stable than previous ones.

Long story short, after years of going through cycles of severe unhappiness, almost like depression, I finally decided to just quit my job, without any fallback.

That was the best decision ever. I have never been so happy and at peace with the world.

I hope your friend never makes the same mistake by listening to the “wisdom” of others.

[tchock23]

Interesting. Learning how to say no seems to be a huge component of happiness.