[jessedhillon]

What's common with all those behaviors he described is that the way they are usually carried, and the predictable "maleness" with which they are chosen, create an air of trying way too hard -- this is something I defintely experience when meeting many programmers. The irony is that the most defining characteristic of authentic masculinity, for most women I know, is the sense that a man believes in hemself and does what feels right for him. Taking up a bunch of stereotypically male activities for the sake of appearing more male is exactly the opposite of that. It's as if the new practitioner looked around and saw what "successful" guys are doing -- dressing well and riding motorcycles -- and decided to copy the outward appearances without understanding why those patterns exist.

[tomjen3]

Fake it till you make it. That is pretty much the advice given to people in unfamiliar social situations. It doesn't work in technical areas (where it is rightfully laughed at as cargo cult coding) but it does work in social situations.

[jiggy2011]

Yes, it's basically trying cargo cult "coolness" , of course that isn't a 100% bad thing if it helps encourage people to get out and try something new.

If you take up a hobby just to appear cool then there's every chance you won't stick with it very long.

I'm sure there are many people who have taken up certain hobbies just to impress people and then found them legitimately enjoyable and fulfilling and they would continue to do them even if they became the most uncool thing.

Also since nerds have a tendency to hyper-focus on things in depth they will likely bring their nerd skills to something non nerdy and outdo the non nerds at it.

[Tycho]

So does that mean femininity does not entail belief in one's self and doing what feels right?

[jessedhillon]

Only if you think femininity is the set of all things not masculine.

[Tycho]

So why would two factors common to both femininity and masculinity be something that women focus on to represent true masculinity. It doesn't make any sense.

This is nothing more than the propagation of an unidea that people tolerate because it doesn't make any value judgements about either gender, or something.