[numbers_guy]

Sounds banal, but step 0 is finding someone who wants the same kind of "till death pry us apart" relationship, because there are lots of modern people today who do not have such aspirations. Some believe that once that biological love phase is over, it is time to move on. Some believe that if they catch feelings for somebody else, that is justification enough to end it with you and go pursue these new feelings.

[klardotsh]

This, plus I find that even interest in a stable relationship is waning in many circles (in favor of "casual relationships", "situationships", or just booty calls - all of which are fine, to be clear, and I've partaken in them, but are vastly different spaces than relationships in terms of what to look for and what the stakes are).

Add other factors and dating can become a true nightmare: looking for a woman between 25 and 35 in the PNW who dates men and is looking for a serious monogamous relationship and never wants children can truly be an exhausting process. (I hear from my friends of all gender IDs and sexual orientations that the process is similarly nightmarish in this age+location cohort regardless of who one prefers to date.)

[Spooky23]

Your requirements are kind of the issue. You’re looking for a pretty unique woman who is willing to dismiss the idea of having children and wants to be in a long term monogamous relationship. Your career focused 26 year old woman is going to turn 29, wake up and realize she has wasted her time with you.

If that’s a hard requirement for you, date 40+ women who already had children or already know they can’t. Online dating really zeroed out women in this demographic, as they get mostly filtered out except for grandpa or fetishists.

[virtualritz]

> You’re looking for a pretty unique woman who is willing to dismiss the idea of having children and wants to be in a long term monogamous relationship.

Stereotypes anyone? In my circle of female friends that's not unique but rather the norm.

[Spooky23]

Sounds like it’s not the norm for the dude I was responding to.

Hard and fast filters aren’t good for human relationships.

The point is change it up a bit. Online dating in particular is a business designed to get you pay for online dating. People specify people like they configure a laptop and establish an unachievable vision of the perfect partner.

Imagine discarding a person who was the perfect match for you because she was 5’8” (filter says 5’7” or less) and says maybe kids someday.

[klardotsh]

Kids is an extremely big deal, and equating it with height is frankly ridiculous.

Height is a relatively insignificant matter - whoop de doo, an inch or three here or there, whatever.

Kids cost tens of thousands of dollars a year to raise for 18 years and completely upend what someone is able to do with their life - forever.

IMO it's one of the most important things to filter for - two people who want kids are compatible, one who wants and one who is ambivalent are probably compatible, but someone who never wants them (like yours truly) will never - ever - be able to successfully have a long term relationship with someone who actively wants children. It's a recipe for disaster for one or both partners (and if a kid manages to happen, probably the kid too - last thing the kid needs is to be a resented one).

[klardotsh]

"Wasted" is a strong word - especially when these kinds of things get filtered for early on to avoid exactly that.

Thanks for the input I guess?

[toomuchtodo]

https://old.reddit.com/r/cf4cf/ or eHarmony are potential options.