[mwattsun]

I've taken about 40 solo road trips around North America, about 120,000 miles from Fairbanks, Alaska to San Felipe, Mexico to Key West, Florida to Nova Scotia, Canada and everyplace in between. All 50 states and most Canadian provinces. I spent all my software money but now have memories to replace it.

I did that in an attempt to get sober. I realized that if I stayed home drinking I was going to die, so I moved out one day and hit the road. The experience now forms the foundation of my sobriety. "When I’m alone in epic nature, I feel my own power" is how the article describes it.

I've never explained what I was doing to my family and no one ever asked, but this short article comes closest to an explanation.

[0_____0]

discussion of self harm in this comment

Money well spent. And congrats on getting sober. I'm about a year into a my own journey, actually sort of the reverse of your situation - I went on a big bicycle trip (3000 miles) and the sense of agency I had coming home from that spurred me to take control of my substance issues.

In a way more similar to yours, I have planned an escape valve for myself should I come close to committing suicide. I've had a couple near misses, and it's been important for me to realize that I can...just leave. If I'm going to die otherwise, work can wait. Bills, relationships, expectations can wait.

Just get in a car, get on a train, whatever, and leave town.

[s1artibartfast]

>In a way more similar to yours, I have planned an escape valve for myself should I come close to committing suicide.

I like this phrasing. I had a similar revelation when I realized I had the power to abandon everything and "join the circus" before enacting a more permanent solution. Just knowing it is a "plan B" helps avoid feeling trapped and powerless.

I think this feeling of choice and power really helps for some people depressed with their circumstances, but who fundamentally like themselves. Unfortunately, It it isn't a simple fix for everyone and I have to keep this in mind when talking about it with others. If someone's fundamental issue is self-loathing, then running away to join the circus doesn't help because their problem follows them wherever they go.

[mwattsun]

Congrats on surviving. Your comment reminded me that I was suicidal on some of the trips so figured I'd see if I could get killed by putting myself into some very dangerous situations. I either had a guardian angel or it's not as dangerous to be out in the world as people think. I had to outsmart those who wished me harm and there were a few. I had some very close calls. I discovered I had a "spidy sense" that warned me off. I was amazed at how much courage I had when I didn't care if I died.

I totally agree with you, just leave and see if a change of scenery and getting away from people might bring a new perspective.

[flir]

I personally think set and setting is a massively underestimated tool in kicking addictions. Good for you.

[mwattsun]

I agree. Sometimes getting away from certain people can be beneficial. As William Gibson said "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." Then there's that other saying "Everywhere you go, there you are" which points to yourself as the problem.

[jjtheblunt]

I didn't know that quote, but I've thought the same thing often out walking with our dog and her dog friends (and my friends): that being exhausted by dealing with even a single asshole has seriously draining side effects, and that could look like being depressed. but the two things are very different.

Thanks for sharing that quote!

[mwattsun]

William Gibson gets credit for it, but he tells people he retweeted it from one of his followers according to the story I read. You're welcome.

[neerd]

Set and setting is a good framework to have a healthy experience with any drug (including alcohol)

[lisasays]

Very inspiring. Helps me start the day in the right frame of mind. I will close all other HN tabs now. Thank you and best of luck.

[mwattsun]

Great! Have a good day.

[lamp_book]

Coincidentally the musician Mac DeMarco recently did something similar to quit smoking while recording an album: https://www.gq.com/story/how-to-quit-smoking-and-record-an-a...

[mwattsun]

This is great. I really like the lead track on his Salad Days album, which is all good with a nice laid back vibe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HQqXllXpfQ

[lamp_book]

Glad I could spread the good word of Mac - that’s one my favorite songs of his as well.