[xyzzy4747]

I may be downvoted for this - but you should make it your #1 priority to find a long term partner (ideally headed towards marriage so you’re locked in). Make sure it is someone extroverted. As a side effect of the relationship and their extroversion, this person will then “autonomously” improve your social life with 0 effort on your part. It worked very well for me - married 7 years now and expecting our first child. Never felt lonely since the relationship started plus gained many friends from it. I would place myself very slightly on the autistic spectrum (undiagnosed) so I’ve always felt building social circles on my own to be challenging.

[Melatonic]

I would also say this is bad advice. I am not going to downvote you (because I think downvoting should be reserved for worse) but if you do this then you are essentially relying on your partner for friendship AND a relationship.

I see too many couples do this - what they really want are best friends and instead they seek out a partner for this. Should your partner ALSO be your best friend? Of course. But you also need other best friends (each of you) separately in my opinion.

[SketchySeaBeast]

Glad it worked for you, but "I need to get married ASAP to cure my loneliness" may backfire if the marriage ever ends given that you are not, in fact, locked in. Also, the odds of it ending may increase given that you may be willing to forgive a lot of personality quirks in your rush to marry, but those could prove to be unacceptable once you're married for a while.

[xyzzy4747]

It’s not necessary but perhaps date someone from a culture where they almost never divorce - I married an Indian and brought her here on a visa. The divorce rate there is one of the lowest in the world, about 1%.

[SketchySeaBeast]

Isn't the low Indian divorce rate due to extreme cultural pressure to remain together and a court system that is extremely limiting in who can divorce, not an indicator that the marriages are happy or fulfilling?

[xyzzy4747]

I mean I just have my ideas, so maybe this isn’t correct, but I think Indians treat family relationships more like a single unit as opposed to US culture where everyone acts more like an individual (even people within a marriage) and finds reasons to prioritize going their own path. What you’re saying may have elements of truth too.

My N=1 experience is my relationship is very happy and fulfilling.

[watwut]

Marriage with spouse resentful that you locked her is not all that great. And since the plan is the "I do zero effort and get stuff from spouse" chances of resentment are high.

[Mezzie]

Hopefully your spouse doesn't die or end up disabled. Marriages can end/the spouse can stop being the social engine for reasons that aren't divorce.

[0_____0]

Not going to downvote, assuming you're saying this in good faith.

This is really bad advice.

Lots of people (usually men) do this — letting their partner be their conduit to social engagement, and not only is it lazy, it's harmful. It puts extra stress on the partner and relationships will only exist mediated by them. Then you have the most obvious problem — if the relationship ends, so do the friendships. They're your partner's friends first after all.

I really really encourage you to try to make a few friends completely independently from your partner, it's important.

[jimbokun]

Makes sense, but wasn't there a bit of a Catch 22? How did you meet your long term partner and develop intimacy, without first improving those skills in general?

[dkarl]

My experience is that intimate partners are easier than friends, because whatever awkwardness or other social issues you have, the other person is going to spot it and not go on a second or third date with you unless they can tolerate it. So if you're on a third date, they've already decided that it's provisionally okay with them. Also, I feel like people are way more tolerant of weirdness one-on-one than in groups, because in groups they have to worry about what other people in the group think.

Once you have a partner, or just someone you're dating, they will expose you to other people in social settings, which will give you more practice under a critical and supportive eye.

But that might just be my experience.

[xyzzy4747]

Just reach out to at least 1 person every single day, whether online or in-person, as a habit. It is an annoying process but pays dividends once you find someone who you like and who wants to be with you.

However, she actually messaged me first on a dating app and I eventually brought her to the US on a fiancé visa.