Hacker News new | ask | show | jobs
by jonahbenton 1156 days ago
Yes. It is your life. It isn't about what is out there. It's about what's in you.

My kids are 19, 17, 12. I tell them- you're not going to college to get an education that is about knowledge out in the world. You are going to get an education about you. To learn about your person- your body, your brain, your own mental model of your self and other selves and the world.

Your person is still in physical growth mode until at least 25, and then you have lots of other changes and challenges coming after that. You will continue learning, including about your self, throughout the entirety of your life. To be set up to do that is why you're going.

(Yes, college is not the real world, in any way. But in important ways it is real enough.)

==

The most important things to be able to do are- build relationships, focus and concentrate, organize your self and your thinking, communicate, have fun, and take care of the physical self. You don't have any idea, really, how well you do those things as a teenager. It's the job of the adults around you to help. College is an opportunity to expose your person to more unique, distinct, varied, skilled adults and peers than at any time previous, and for some, more than they will ever get again (unfortunately). That exposure is the most intense learning the self can do.

For each of my kids, they have things they are good at now, and things they are not good at. Not just skills- capabilities. Biases. Potentials, not actuals. As their parent I have a good sense of possible distinct and unique trajectories for each of them given those potentials, and I do what I can to coach them onto those various trajectories and in specific work domain disciplines that are potential fits (to my eyes) for them. But that's a conversation that is specific to our relationship. And their lives are their own.

For you, I would encourage you to see yourself not even at the beginning of your adventure, and to think hard and figure out good ways, with the guidance of adults you currently respect and trust, to avail yourself and position yourself to be exposed to and learn from new adults worthy of respect and trust. And pay it forward, too.

4 comments

> I tell them- you're not going to college to get an education that is about knowledge out in the world. You are going to get an education about you. To learn about your person- your body, your brain, your own mental model of your self and other selves and the world.

You can do the same thing while on the job. Presumably, you could even learn faster, as you will be in a real-life environment, with real responsiblities, real people, real constraints etc. Whereas college is basically a bizarre form of retirement - a 4 year long "retirement" young people take before starting working. Yes, they learn some things there as well, but most of that knowledge is not needed and is just an excuse to spend time in college (for students) and to charge hefty fees (for universities).

Historically, US colleges were finishing schools for the wealthy - and now, most of us are wealthy enough to spend 4 years like this [1]. Unfortunately, since so many people finish college, a college degree is now a requirement for many fairly basic jobs - which means that not going to college closes many doors for people.

[1] Tragically, many people can only afford it through crippling student debt, which they take because they can't see the big picture at 19 yo. We don't allow 19 year old people to drink beer because they're too young to handle it, but we allow them to take on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt... European (where I am from) solution is to just fully cover college from taxes. This way, we probably have even higher college attendance than in the US (i.e. even more wasted time and money in total), but at least the amenities are very basic and there's no parasitic admin overhead - so, I'm guessing we spend much less on higher ed per capita.

> We don't allow 19 year old people to drink beer because they're too young to handle it

Oddly enough, most countries think that a person who is legally responsible for their own decisions is also mature enough to handle alcohol [0]...

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_drinking_age

I feel like this is not the right message to send to a 16 year old asking what the meaning of life is. Sure college is a scam and no 20 year old needs to go to a learning resort with a lazy river. But also, plenty of jobs are quite useful to go to college (although most of those are stem jobs). Like you probably aren't going to get into biotech, geo-engineering, physics, without at least one degree. Well I suppose you can do biotech without a degree if you are Elizabeth Holmes but she went to jail so maybe it's a bad idea.
I've seen many people struggle and regret their decision to study subjects at university that didn't point more directly to rewarding careers with reasonable market demand, and I worry that the way you describe university education risks falling into the same trap.
Can you adopt me?
You sound like a great parent!