[elmerfud]

Since others have talked about grief and handling that I want address how to think about this situation. You frame the problem as, "you have to support three women". This will sound insensitive but that's not my intention. You do not have to support them. Instead I think you want to support them. It's a choice to make to do because there is no external compelling force like the government that's forcing you to it. Instead it's a cultural sense of family obligation that's driving you to do this. So realize first and foremost you have choice in this matter.

As parent it's one of the cruelest things I see in many cultures where parents burden their children in a way they were never burdened by their own parents. You say your dad had a good job but instead of investing in life insurance or the future he invested in iPhone and possibly other useless trinkets instead of a solid investment in the family stability. Now the worst case scenario has happened these failure are now a burden you must bare.

Since it seems you will choose accept this, it's quite likely you'll never have a family of your own. If you don't moderate the expectations of your family they will grind you too dust and happily take anything thing you give. You should have an honest conversation with them about what you're able to do and what you're not able to do and that the lifestyle must be different. Possibly they need to get jobs.

You need to consider long and hard about what you can do and how much of your future you're going to sacrifice for them. It's not wrong of you to consider yourself first. It's never wrong to do that. Because if you can't care for yourself then you can't ever care for anyone else.

I know this is blunt and I've traveled the world enough to know this goes against many cultures, but the time for that cultural mindset is changing. No longer is caring for the parents simply having them in village or in your home and giving them space and food. The modern expenses are much greater and therefore that cultural idea breaks down. Stealing 30 years of your child's adult life is unforgivable, I say that as a parent, especially when that part of your life is time you need to be earning money and establishing your own family.

If you were 50 and had raised your own kids and then taking care of your parents that's different because you've established your lineage.

[Temporarily21]

Wow, I had an idea I might not have my own family but when you said it.. I wrote this last night, after I wrote it I calmed down and have slept the night since and it does not look so grim now. I might have put too much responsibility on my self. I believe you are right, I have to put my foot down. My mother has to continue working, I will pinch in. My sister will have to work when she studies and she might have to take out loans. My father would not have allowed that.

Besides that, my dad loved good expensive stuff. Honestly, I think I should take an example from him here. This is the third appartment he has bought. So after my mother receives compensation she should have four appartments without any debt. One is for them, one is for granma, one I guess will be sold/rented out and the fourth one is where I grew up but we let a family live there for free almost because the appartment is in a state(I have and will ask them to help my mother). Also, I have my own place. This I say because you mentioned useless trinkets.

It is sad, because he was supposed to be already home now and he did not manage to insure his life last time, also he was planning to do the whole medical check that could have saved his life if he had done it earlier..

Somebody aswell said this is not my responsibility, honestly I don’t want it to be. But I do want to help. And this post is about me not being grinded into dust. I don’t want to feel like I will just leave them because it is too much.

[oifjsidjf]

If there are so many apartments and $$$ is tight tell them to move in together in one apartment to reduce costs and rent out the rest.

The guy to which you are replying is 100% correct. This is not the time for luxury. And if those women won't understand this and complain then ghost them: your life has priority: DO NOT LET THEM DESTROY YOUR OWN LIFE JUST SO THAT THEY CAN LIVE SOME IGNORANT LUXURIOUS LIFE! YOUR (FUTURE) FAMILY/CHILDREN IS WHAT MATTERS MOST! Do not destroy your life with ignorant people!

Also: stop letting that family to live in that apartment rent free! YOU are what matters, not them. Charge them or kick them out and get a new family.

[Khelavaster]

But.. never ghost someone. Tell them to their faces in more and more urgent and vocal ways how wrong they are. Don't let them speak presumptions unchallenged. Treat them as people you love, which means keeping them from making bad decisions because of believing nonsense.

[Temporarily21]

That apartment is my mother’s not mine. In the end it’s her say. Her friend has a nice empty apartment but she cannot find tenants. My mum says we have already enough problems. That apartment needs renovation with money I do not have. I can dream only now. She says asking for 50euros a month would be too much.

I do not think my family are freeloaders. And I do not want it to get to that that my sister becomes one. She actually is not materialistic but dad was awarding her for good grades, reading books.

[em500]

> That apartment is my mother’s not mine. In the end it’s her say. Her friend has a nice empty apartment but she cannot find tenants. My mum says we have already enough problems. That apartment needs renovation with money I do not have. I can dream only now. She says asking for 50euros a month would be too much.

In the richer European countries (and increasingly in large cities in poorer European countries) it's impossible to rent any apartment for 50 euro per month. So I'd assume you live in a relatively poor European country and far away from large cities.

- How are the government support programmes / pensions / higher educational funding?

- If you're in the EU, one of the obvious routes is to migrate to a richer country, and support your family through remittance from higher earnings.

[Temporarily21]

I earn more now than I would in Germany.

[elmerfud]

It's good you think long and hard about what your next steps are here. There's no wrong answer here it's deeply personal choice. Hopefully you can strike a balance of doing what you can for your mother, sister and grandmother and doing what you need in order to have a successful and happy life yourself.