[qwerpy]

> I don't allow social media, and my kids don't have cell phone access.

How is this working out? I assume your kids must have healthy social lives and don't feel left out, otherwise you'd have reconsidered. My kids will get to device-using age someday and I'd love to do something similar with mine. But am somewhat amazed that parents can enforce this even at the teenager stage.

[francisofascii]

I have a ninth grade daughter who we don't allow a smart phone. She has a dumb phone without group text. She still has friends that hang out at school, games, Starbucks etc. She is the only one in her friend group without a smart phone. Not having all the social media apps is great for her. Yes, she misses out on group texts, chat, silly non-sense, but she can check out at night, and focus on homework or going to bed.

[Larrikin]

Girls that boys are even remotely interested in are given old burner phones that work perfectly well on wifi with out a phone plan.

[zpeti]

I came here to ask this too, as someone with a younger daughter. OP please answer :)

[100011_100001]

See my reply to the original question.

[100011_100001]

Just to be clear my oldest, now in 8th grade does ask occasionally to have a phone still. I gave her a pre-pay flip phone for emergencies, it can text and call, that's pretty much it. She also has a simple mp3 player for music that I put mp3s in, no internet access.

They also have access to Youtube using my old phone. However, I have very clear rules about Youtube, which I can share if someone is curious. Finally, they have Amazon tablets with parental settings for their age group, and pretty much everything disabled except for books and kid apps.

I'm explaining all of this so people can understand that they have access to some electronics. Basically, I have covered some electronic needs that they have like music, watching an occasional video, play video games.

One of the advantages is by having specific devices for specific things I know what they are doing without having to watch over them.

Youtube is the biggest exposure my kids have. I have my account logged in, so I can see what they watch, they know this. With no adult settings. Moreover, there is only one time they are allowed to watch Youtube it's an hour and all 4 of them take turns. This has actually created something I didn't expect, it forces them to find common videos they can all enjoy, or they just won't watch at specific days that the videos are "boring".

If I look at the history and find a problematic video I will set expectations, reminders and sometimes I outright block certain channels. What's interesting is now that they have been doing this for a few years they monitor themselves. I hear them say "we can't watch that, find a different video".

To answer the other part of the question of do they "healthy social lives". They do. I actually thing social media gives you a false sense of socializing. "Look at all the friends / likes I have". Instead, my kids actually talk to other kids or play. My oldest is more into hang out, draw, listen to music kind of thing. Overall, my wife is really social by nature, she has what I call people magic, so my kids have learned to emulate that. We coincidentally moved to a new house this year, within a week they had established multiple friends and befriended the entire neighborhood.

Boredom helps, we all try to avoid it like the plague, but being bored allows you to become more creative. My kids go outside more, it helps that I have 4 because they can play with each other if no one else is around.

I don't want to pretend my kids are perfect, and I am an amazing dad. They have faults, so do I, a lot of them. To me the key is setting clear expectations and explaining the why. The joke in my house is they will probably learn how to drive before they have a cellphone. Honestly that might happen.

[j7ake]

Thanks for the details, would love to hear more about your YouTube rules.

[100011_100001]

Sure.

The main gist is adult or unknown content is not OK. Video game, creative (draw, paint etc), educational videos are fine.

Of course, I have had to refine these rules as things came up.

No TikTok videos on Youtube (the inappropriate to OK videos ratio is way to hit)

No funny prank videos (because most of them are people being mean to others)

No scarry videos unless it's kid Halloween videos and all the kids are OK with watching it (remember they share one screen and take turns on deciding)

Funny animal videos are fine.

Music videos are fine if we have watched it already with them, if they are not sure add "lyrics" to the end of the song and watch the lyric version or ask us (they just opt for lyrics to avoid having to ask/waiting)

If someone uses naughty words once it can be ignored, if they do it a lot especially if the 6-year-old is watching it's an auto change and the youtuber to be avoided (We allow our kids to curse in their rooms if they wish, but not at each other, in public, school or people that might have a problem with it, like their grandparents)

No videos from random channels about boyfriend/girlfriend drama, unknown origin animations about love stories (ratio of inappropriate language, innuendo, sexism, misogyny, abuse is too high). Again, they can ask if they are not sure.

I think that's pretty much it. Every few days, mainly when I watch a youtube video (probably every 2-3 days) I will look at the history. If I find something borderline I will watch the video briefly, if there is a problem, I will explain what it was, if it turns out it was an OK video I will move on.

If I find problematic youtubers I will block them, this is rare, but it has happened. I also see what the Youtube algo suggests, if I see a suggestion that seems iffy, I will mark it as not interested so my kids won't be drawn to it. As time has progressed their feed has gotten cleaner, and they understand what they can and cannot watch better.

Oh, and another thing I have Youtube Premium to avoid ads, because for some reason Google allows some really weird advertisements for children at times. I basically replaced my Spotify subscription for this, and started listening to Google music.