[Beaver117]

Of course I can't say I understand you, but I've had to live with my share of secrets which others can't understand.

I was also born with a genetic disorder, and been going to doctors constantly since birth. Not a heart condition but had likely organ and brain damage so they were always checking my development as if they knew I would never amount to anything. Always on expensive medications and scared of losing insurance too.

Sorry about your parents, my parents are still alive, they helped so much.

I was also homeschooled after age 10, but couldn't even hang out with other kids (they could come over, but I couldn't go to them). And never sleepovers of course.

Dealing with so many limitations I also felt most at home with seniors, couldn't really relate to my peers.

I know I'll die earlier than others, that's fine, I learned to appreciate the time I have more.

I'm also in the very top % income for my age, I can't tell anyone of my friends how much I make besides the ones in similar jobs. Showed those doctors at least.

I've never even met someone with the same condition let alone became friends. And I have other secrets that I'm too paranoid to share.

That's extremely isolating. I just think I'm not meant for love and deep connections/understanding. I have good friends but they can't possibly understand what I've been through to laugh and have drinks together.

Then again, you can say the same thing about other people too, and they still manage to not be lonely.

I also made mistakes sometime, pushed people away because I was so used to being alone. But really what did I do wrong? How is it possible to fix?

[fellowniusmonk]

I embraced that life is absurd and a mystery and that many people are kind and good hearted. Knowing they exist makes me less lonely, it doesn't matter if they can understand me, it only matters that they don't "think" that they understand me. I found solace in sonder I guess.

That's enough, the world and my life isn't meant to be understood or make sense, as far as I can tell my life is not meant for "anything" by "anyone"... though maybe I'll find out differently one day.

I don't know if that is part of ego death or what, but I am glad to be here, I'm glad and lucky I didn't die at 3, I do seek out people who are good hearted but weird, iconoclasts, unfiltered... in one instance I became a close friend to someone who has tourette's and I always know what's on their mind.

I don't know, I guess I ended up a misfit toy that really enjoys other misfit toys.