[blep_]

I'm going to answer anyway because I can read subtext and don't like people making such assumptions about me: one of them went to jail after putting me in the hospital. The other was an extreme helicopter parent with no concept of their own identity outside of being my parent.

I do not have children of my own, and don't plan to. I think you have the causation backwards, though: this is an effect of my unusual views on families and parenting, not a cause.

(Invariably, around this point, someone snarkily tells me it's a good thing I don't have kids. I unironically agree. Most people shouldn't, and I am very much in that group.)

[flippinburgers]

I'm sorry to hear about such a negative experience. In terms of you having kids, if you were to find a partner that you love and can imagine yourself being with for life, kids are actually incredibly wonderful. Given your experience, you could give them something your parents never were able to.

I wish society didn't seem to be so quick to judge having kids as a negative thing.

[blep_]

I have a partner like that, and this is a thing we discussed very early and very much agree on. Neither of us would enjoy it, and both of us would be terrible parents, because it is very possible to severely screw something up without it being malicious. It would be bad for everyone involved.

I wish society didn't seem to be so quick to assume everyone would be happier with children. Some people legitimately are, but it is not a guarantee.

[Georgelemental]

It seems like you had pretty terrible parents. And yet it doesn't sound like you would rather not be alive. So wouldn't your life experience demonstrate that even people who would be terrible parents, should still have kids?

[blep_]

... no? I legitimately, honestly, cannot comprehend why you would think that.

Had I not been born, I wouldn't know the difference, because I wouldn't exist. That I do exist now is irrelevant, because we're talking about a hypothetical universe where that's not the case. Not being born is a fundamentally different sort of thing than being alive and then dying. (If it wasn't, everyone who can physically have a child and isn't doing so right now would be committing murder.)

Everyone involved would've been objectively better off had I not been born. Both of my parents would have been happier. Everyone around them who had to deal with the fallout would be happier.

To be absolutely clear, this is not an expression of any sort of guilt on my part - I had no input into this terrible decision, and I take no responsibility for it. But any observer would have called it an obviously bad idea, if they didn't have to dance around the psychological and social implications of saying that within earshot of the child. One of the benefits of being an adult with a fully formed brain is that I can now look at such hypotheticals objectively, without conflating them with my own self-worth.

So my past, as terrible as it was, is a sunk cost. If I spontaneously died right now, it wouldn't undo any of that, nor make me or anyone else happier. The best I can do with the situation I am currently in is to keep living, and try not to repeat the mistakes of others.