[eyelidlessness]

I like to drink more than I ought to (and less than I used to), but your assessment sounds not exactly but a lot like how I feel about cannabis. At any THC dose enough to feel at all, it’s almost always tunnel vision and time dilation and anxiety, and all I want is to go be alone to wait it out. All side effects, no joy there. If I’m lucky enough to hit the perfect mark of low dose but perceptible effects, I like it okay but it’s totally unpredictable. Not worth whatever I might enjoy with perfect precision dosage.

People who enjoy THC describe it to me as similar to how they enjoy caffeine, which makes some sense to me having a dopamine supplement daily. Most of what I enjoy about alcohol is tasting it. As far as psychoactive effects, I find it calming but not as much as you do. It doesn’t generally make me sleepy unless I’m already headed that way. It just makes me feel less at odds with things in the world. Which is good for my psyche, as long as I don’t drink too much… which is when I remember feeling at odds with things in the world.

[briga]

Everyone reacts to chemicals in their own way, but I think what you’re describing might be more related to general anxiety than to a particular chemical. It may exacerbate these feelings but I don’t think it’s ever really the root cause

[eyelidlessness]

This was exactly my theory for a long time, but I really do think it’s chemical. My baseline anxiety turns out to be very well treated by my ADHD meds (amphetamines). Cannabis high doesn’t feel at all like my baseline anxiety or like heightened anxiety that more closely fits typical general anxiety symptoms for me. It feels like what people describe when they talk about a bad trip.

Anyway I’ve thought about taking advantage of the legal market to see if there’s bud that works for me, and even (maybe especially) after working in the industry for over half a decade I’m not inclined. They just don’t grow anything for me, and I’m too old now to want to experiment.

I do appreciate your pattern recognition, because it’d be the same recognition I would have. I don’t think the pattern fits me though, I really do just react negatively to THC in high doses.