I've always tried to operate this way, loans create an obligation, but for when people are uncomfortable with a gift, I lean towards the pay-it-forward approach.
That's not to say there is no place for loans, but for me it has to be with the closest of friends, and when I've been the borrower, I sure as hell want to pay back, when I'm the lender, I'm much less concerned.
You assume that they will never forget and will be grateful to you for your help, but the opposite might happen: people will hate you instead of feeling grateful. Some people will resent being in a situation when they needed help. They'll feel inferior and will hate you for that.
Oddly enough, decades later, I can say: yes it does.
People I came through for before seem to pop up in my times of need now. And people who helped others when we were younger now have amazing support networks, which makes a huge difference.
> Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget.
Yep, they will never forget humiliation of depending on someone else's charity and will always hate you for it. But because it would be impolite to say it straight to your face they will find other ways to get back at you.
Also you are no savior if your fortune depends on a system(all of them, not only obvious one) that destroyed their lives.
I have friends like this. They fought super hard and sacrificed a lot to get themselves and their families where they are. Super kind and generous people. Getting unsolicited gifts like this feels like a big slap in the face of what they've accomplished. I'm not saying they're right to feel this way. But it's something that needs to be considered.
It's not really unsolicited if the friend just told you they can't pay their rent. If they were the stoic you write about, they wouldn't have mentioned it at all.
Yes this would be mortifying to some people. I noticed my friend was having trouble with their car jack and dropped off a new one for them. They felt humiliated. Not saying don't do it, but be sure you know your friend if you do this. The "and you can't pay me back" is maybe the ouchiest part. It's unfortunate because the person giving the gift is usually genuinely trying to help, only to be slapped in the face.
That's not to say there is no place for loans, but for me it has to be with the closest of friends, and when I've been the borrower, I sure as hell want to pay back, when I'm the lender, I'm much less concerned.