[dragontamer]

> power of attorney

My grandma is beginning to look like she has dementia. But we, as a family, aren't at a point where we're thinking of taking away her agency. She's a proud woman and always has been.

In many cases, its probably better for the person for them to keep their agency. If they're only going to lose money, its really not that big of a deal. We're more concerned about what if she has a fall by herself or other such issue. But those things won't be solved by revoking her agency.

But just because someone is mentally ill (dementia, bipolar, or even schizophrenic) doesn't mean they deserve to lose their agency and get power of attorney invoked over them.

Has anyone close to you been in a mentally ill situation? Have you ever tried to tell someone you love, someone you trusted, someone you used to look up to that their mental capabilities have declined and that you no longer trust them to watch over themselves? And if so, do you think taking away their ability to use their bank account is the solution to that problem?

[nhod]

> If they're only going to lose money, its really not that big of a deal.

This depends on what will happen after they run out of money.

Someone very close to me has an untreated dual diagnosis (mentally ill + substance abuse disorder). She is otherwise young and intelligent, and with treatment she could at least theoretically have a full life. However she refuses all attempts at help, has been unemployed for over a year, is paranoid and isolated and alone from and abusive to friends and family, is burning through her savings, and will soon get to the point where she will have to foreclose on her house.

At that point she will literally be an unemployed, homeless, mentally ill drug addict.

This is a major problem in our individualistic society with no easy answer. As my coach says, people don’t change when they see the light, only when they feel the heat. She may need to crash and burn, and she may pick herself back up. But the odds on that happening for someone in her position are not good.

And meanwhile we all have to watch someone we love slowly descend into ruin.

[MaxfordAndSons]

My mother is in the early/mid stages of dementia, and she recently granted my father and I power of attorney. It doesn't have to be a "taking away" if they can be convinced that it's in their best interested. Admittedly ymmv, it helps that my mother is a retired psychologist. Also it's hardly a "solution"; it's merely a mitigation. In the months before we did it my mother had been scammed out of thousands of dollars multiple times. There are so many scammers out there targeting the elderly/mentally ill, it's only matter of when not if.

[dragontamer]

I agree.

I think in your case, having someone cooperate into giving power of attorney is the best case. But in this case, my grandmother is still too proud to willingly give power of attorney to any of her children.

If she willingly gives it, I think we'll take her up on the offer. But she doesn't think she's been scammed yet. We likely have to wait until after she's realized how she's been taken advantage of before she's in the position to willingly give us power of attorney.

Forcibly taking it before that realization would be counterproductive.

[Domenic_S]

> Has anyone close to you been in a mentally ill situation? Have you ever tried to tell someone you love, someone you trusted, someone you used to look up to that their mental capabilities have declined and that you no longer trust them to watch over themselves?

I have, but it doesn't really look like that. It's a gradual assumption of responsibilities by the caregivers that roughly corresponds to the person's decline.

> do you think taking away their ability to use their bank account is the solution to that problem?

It's a solution, yes, when they could dramatically harm their situation/themselves doing things they no longer have the capacity to understand.