[dbtonez]

i appreciate your candor. i think you may be right. in my current position, i feel at a loss. i think sometimes people, like me in this case, can feel almost indebted to a company that took a chance on them. i have no professional experience in this field and this was known at time of interview. i feel like i am not being utilized in a fashion where i could actually LEARN instead, but then again i struggle with my own head telling me "well, am i really not prepared to be in this field?". it almost feels like imposter syndrome and i know i am ranting now.

all in all, thank you for mentioning this - i definitely have things to consider.

[gorjusborg]

> i think sometimes people, like me in this case, can feel almost indebted to a company that took a chance on them

What does giving you that chance cost them, versus you? If you fail, they'll likely fire you and move on to the next person. If you succeed, they will likely get credit for picking a good one, then they get to utilize you for years, potentially. During that time, they likely will make multiples of your salary on your work. There is very little real risk to the company for 'giving you a chance'.

In some bad companies, you have little input into shaping the expectations into something reasonable. In those companies, you can easily be expected to do something that just isn't feasible, and it is no fault of yours.

From your story, it sounds like you may be in one of the companies that expect what they expect, and never ask if it is reasonable from people who know. I also wonder if your boss is taking vacation to distance themselves from an expected meltdown that they were unable to manage away. Hard to tell reality single point of view on the internet, but it wouldn't surprise me.

[dbtonez]

i think you're right and in my rambling i forget that i work for THEM and the company will always be concerened about THEM.

it has happened to me before. i think i am just feeling a bit... imposter-y. i have put my nose to the ground to get where i am, but i must bring my nose back up and assess before i get myself into a place i don't want to be.

thanks for the reminder.

[CodeSgt]

Alternatively this is one of those things that, maybe, if it all goes well, you could leverage for a promotion and pay raise.

Of course, there's a lot of context that we don't really have access to but that's another thing to consider.

[rippercushions]

OP is an intern, at most companies promotions and job offers are literally impossible. Of course they might be able to swing a permanent job, but I'm not convinced this place would be great for learning or for career.

[CodeSgt]

Ah, I glossed over the "intern" word.

[dbtonez]

right and i read back my post and i leave out some context and do not mean to disparage my boss or the company i work for. and i think you may be right, instead of being afraid and, lack of a better term, paranoid about this situation i could instead embrace the challenge, and communicate better what i do know and what i don't know.

you had me at "pay raise" hehe..

[CodeSgt]

I missed you were an intern, that does change things a bit. I'd say embrace the challenge, get some experience working in a high-stress environment where you're complete out of your depth, and then sooner or later try to find a job at another company that won't do this to you.

[dbtonez]

that is okay, i notice i left context out of my post as i hastily wrote it.

thank you for your kind words, i think it is definitely best to look at this situation from the angle of "learning opportunity".