[gorjusborg]

> i think sometimes people, like me in this case, can feel almost indebted to a company that took a chance on them

What does giving you that chance cost them, versus you? If you fail, they'll likely fire you and move on to the next person. If you succeed, they will likely get credit for picking a good one, then they get to utilize you for years, potentially. During that time, they likely will make multiples of your salary on your work. There is very little real risk to the company for 'giving you a chance'.

In some bad companies, you have little input into shaping the expectations into something reasonable. In those companies, you can easily be expected to do something that just isn't feasible, and it is no fault of yours.

From your story, it sounds like you may be in one of the companies that expect what they expect, and never ask if it is reasonable from people who know. I also wonder if your boss is taking vacation to distance themselves from an expected meltdown that they were unable to manage away. Hard to tell reality single point of view on the internet, but it wouldn't surprise me.

[dbtonez]

i think you're right and in my rambling i forget that i work for THEM and the company will always be concerened about THEM.

it has happened to me before. i think i am just feeling a bit... imposter-y. i have put my nose to the ground to get where i am, but i must bring my nose back up and assess before i get myself into a place i don't want to be.

thanks for the reminder.