[hdjjhhvvhga]

Well, I wouldn't advise that without knowing the full details of the situation, and especially how sensitive the kid is. I've heard many discussions on that point, with divorced parents arguing "it's better for the kid if they don't see us quarrel all the time" and those still being couples saying "a kid needs both parents."

My personal observation is that if the parents love the kid more than they dislike themselves, they are going to stay, at least until the kids become adults.

[tremon]

My personal experience says that it's way better for the kid not to grow up in a dysfunctional household: they will grow up not even knowing what a functional relationship looks like. Just "being civil" to the other is not enough, kids will form their attachment models on how they see their parents interact.

If you want your kid to have successful relationships when they grow up, FFS don't let your kid grow up in an unsuccessful one.

[em-bee]

right, but once you have a failed relationship, either choice (stay together or separate) will have a negative impact. so really, the best way to salvage the kids future is to actually repair the relationship.

[caeril]

Yes. Children are 800-3000% more likely to be physically or sexually abused by the mother's live-in boyfriend or step-father than by their biological father, but we don't want them to have bad feels.

Good call.

[tester756]

what are absolute numbers? because % is useless

[saiya-jin]

Kids need role models. One saying is roughly about: boys grow up wanting to be like their dads, and girls grow up wanting to marry similar men.

If kids are exposed to frequent arguments, spirals of primitive abuse, hatred, emotional coldness etc. they won't end up faring well in adulthood, and all the efforts of parents trying to stay together for them are pointless.

But yeah its a shitty situation where everybody loses.

[IG_Semmelweiss]

That personal observation is an excellent point of wisdom.

I would replace "dislike" with "incompatible" though.

You can be very attracted physicslly to someone who is your intellectual and economic equal, to then not be able to hold it together because that person's personal traits ans preferences are so far off one's own. It goes beyond "he liked to watch tv instead of going out to eat w me"

That being said, your observation should be a heuristic, and it should be repeated more often.

[rafaelero]

We have enough information, though. The wife doesn't respect him. Regarding the kid, s/he will be fine. Even if there is some turmoil on the kid's life, your life as an adult also matters. You deserve to be happy. Don't sacrifice yourself to make what you think are the best decisions to your son. You really don't have all that power you think you have to influence their lifes.