[laurieg]

You said: "I've been here since 2012, and I've never felt like I wasn't just about to be fired."

Imagine someone terrified of having a car accident every time they drove. "Have you ever been in an accident?" "No, never."

Or someone constantly worried about having left the oven on at home, so much so that they have to check it multiple before they leave. But they've never actually left it on.

This isn't an attack or a criticism, but sometimes it can be difficult to notice our own unhelpful patterns of thoughts, even though we'd notice them straightaway in others.

[fy20]

To go on from this, I'd suggest OP look for a therapist. This does not sound like a good attitude towards a job (that you have been successfully working at for 10 years), and becoming a parent will need you to make a lot of big changes. You can either go in blindly, or go in with someone to help you.

From the outside my wife and I had a pretty good childhood and were living successfully, but inside there were some deep traumas and we started to notice our first child exhibiting the same behaviours. Working with a therapist helped us to understand ourselves what was happening and learn how not repeat the same mistakes for our children that our parents made. My only regret is not doing it sooner.