[fy20]

To go on from this, I'd suggest OP look for a therapist. This does not sound like a good attitude towards a job (that you have been successfully working at for 10 years), and becoming a parent will need you to make a lot of big changes. You can either go in blindly, or go in with someone to help you.

From the outside my wife and I had a pretty good childhood and were living successfully, but inside there were some deep traumas and we started to notice our first child exhibiting the same behaviours. Working with a therapist helped us to understand ourselves what was happening and learn how not repeat the same mistakes for our children that our parents made. My only regret is not doing it sooner.