[drdec]

You are married, whatever you are earning is marital property. Don't think of it as mine or hers, think of it as ours.

(If you don't think it is really both of yours, talk to a divorce lawyer.)

I've been married for forever. My wife finished school before I did and was making 4x what I was while I stayed in school. Afterwards we were making about the same for a bit and then I started getting raises and eventually she stopped working when the kids came around.

We always just put the money together and set aside an equal little bit for each of us to spend however we wanted (currently ~$300/mo). Haven't had any fights about money yet.

Re-reading your comment now, it sounds like maybe your wife is having problems making that mental adjustment. There are couples counselors that specialize in financial counseling, maybe that's worth a shot. I'm not sure showing her this post would really help. :-)

[jrumbut]

> (If you don't think it is really both of yours, talk to a divorce lawyer.)

Trouble making the mental adjustment, or possibly trouble with something else and she's pointing at money because it is easy to count.

I think if I suddenly came into some money from work, my wife wouldn't be telling people I "won the lottery," she would tell them I "shrewdly selected the right startup and was a critical piece of its success, isn't he so smart?"

However it sounds like if he did talk to a divorce lawyer he would win the divorce lottery so maybe he's been the shrewd one all along!