[ISL]

In general, we each contribute an equal fraction of our income to a joint account. That money is "team money", from which money then flows to "team savings" and investment accounts.

If we make an expenditure out of the team accounts, it gets authorized by both of us, either explicitly (for big stuff) or through an enduring understanding (like groceries).

Non-team money lives in individual accounts, for the individual to do whatever they'd like. If one partner wants to go big on something, it is their prerogative. If one partner wants to go big on something that ultimately becomes a team item or improvement to a team asset, they can do that, too.

Works for us. We check in about it informally a couple of times a year, and definitely with an annual review.

As the lower-earner, I've definitely felt as though I'm not necessarily pulling my weight, but my partner seems happy with the arrangement. There are always asymmetries in relationships; a key may be to keep them in some sort of dynamic balance, whereby in aggregate, something good happens for everyone concerned.

[MontyCarloHall]

If you or your spouse don’t always agree on purchases the other makes, this is the way to go. Having just a single joint account only works well if both of you are always on the same page about everything you purchase, but many (most?) couples are not like this.

It’s great to be able to blow money on something your spouse would consider stupid or frivolous without needing to come to a consensus on it. I once asked a friend who’s a big foodie (and whose spouse couldn’t care less about pretentious molecular gastronomy restaurants) to try a new fancy restaurant with me, and they said “I’d love to, but isn’t that place like $200 a plate? I need to run that by my spouse first.” My friend ended up joining me, but I could tell their spouse was extremely resentful about it. I just can’t imagine living like that. If I want to blow the entirety of my individual account on something my spouse finds silly, I am free to do so without any consequence.

[withinboredom]

My wife and I have “personal” accounts that are really joint accounts. I lol at some of the things she buys, but it’s “her” money. We are free to take money from each other, and it doesn’t usually lead to an argument or anything. I’d rather just take or have her take money she needs rather than trying to present a reason for borrowing it, especially when the other person may not be in the best position to hear why you need 20 bucks, when you need 20 bucks.

Being able to see what the other person is spending money on though is super helpful. I know what monthly expenses my wife has, and she knows what I have, allowing us to you know, have a single Netflix account instead of two separate accounts.

[Jemaclus]

We do something very similar. I make about 2x what my partner makes, and our joint expenditures are divided up similarly. We don't feel the need to get approval to buy whatever we want with our own income, but we also happen to be relatively frugal, so there has yet to be a moment where, say, she comes home with a car that she didn't tell me about.

I also don't have a problem saving up money to buy nice things for us that comes out of "my" account, because I mean, technically it's all "our" money, even if they're in separate accounts. The separate account thing just makes it mentally easier for me to justify to myself being able to buy a new guitar and for her to justify to herself about buying a new bike.

At the end of the day, we're on the same page about finances and neither of us (to my knowledge) resents the other, and that's just about as good as it gets, I think.

[cableshaft]

This is what we do also. Have a joint account for 'team money', and individual accounts to spend on whatever we feel like beyond that. Some of that individual account stuff tends to still be spent as 'team money', i.e. a lot of the meals from restaurants and non-401k stocks are bought out of my individual account, and a lot of the groceries comes out of her account. Most bills are from the joint account though.

Worked so far the past four years, although I'm sure we could both be a bit more frugal with our individual spending. But for now it doesn't matter too much, bills are getting paid, money is going into retirement and investments (not as much as I'd like, but still a decent amount), we can afford a vacation this year (a fairly simple one, but one nonetheless), etc.