[poggies]

Feels to me like you have an Imposter syndrome, which can really take a tool upon a mental health. It is really common within the IT people. Regarding to motivation. People are built of habits. Once you start rolling out anything consistently, it will turn into a habit and you wont even feel it.

[JonShartwell]

Thanks a lot for your comment. I think you’re right that I have fallen into habits out of line with what I really value (doing good work) and fixing those is very useful advice. I can write a lot of words whining about how it’s hard for me to find motivation but if my problem is that I don’t feel like I’m doing good work then the solution can only be to actually do good work.

WRT imposter syndrome, I understand it’s very common but I don’t think it’s my current problem. Earlier in my career I did have this imposter feeling like “I don’t belong to be here with these people much smarter and more capable than me.” Now I feel like I have proven myself and I do deserve to be here, but I feel like I can’t motivate myself to live up to the potential I have. I.e. I want to do better work, and I feel like if I could motivate myself then I could, but I struggle to motivate myself. Maybe if I think more about why it is that I want to do better work then that will become a more powerful motivator for me.

[poggies]

I'm going to reply with the correct thing that you might not like. The correct answer would be to go to a counselor and talk with them about the problem. I always argue that people should not try finding solutions to their mental struggles online, and with any type of medical stuff. I see that you earn a good buck, and I think that you can afford a couple of sessions. So, take some time to get the courage and start it.

[JonShartwell]

I appreciate the advice, but I already see a therapist. Here I was looking more for perspectives from people with personal experience.

Also I think “get a counselor” is really overused advice that can be a lot less helpful than people think. I have had 5 therapists in my life (I clearly have a lot of problems haha) and all of them except the current one I would say were actively harmful to my mental health. I think I have had particularly bad luck and am an unusual case, but the generic advice glosses over the fact that finding a therapist who works for you is not an easy task, whether you can afford it or not. If someone is asking for advice with a specific problem online, I think it’s a lot more helpful to try to help than to tell them that they need to undertake what could be a months or years long process to find a therapist who works for them, and act like that’s easy.