[obscura]

I sympathise with the author. Why should one have to put up with mails like this? I understand the argument of being professional, but it's very draining to have to absorb personal attacks and ill-mannered outbursts while never being able to respond in kind.

Given that the sender didn't provide constructive feedback, is seemingly not contributing financially, and can simply choose to not use the application, I don't see why a response in kind shouldn't be given. To me, Don's response was mild.

[vultour]

There's several people in this thread saying the user did not provide constructive feedback and I disagree. Amongst the emotionally charged venting there's a description of a real struggle the user is encountering while trying to use the software.

Yes, they should've opted for a more civilised approach. No, it doesn't discard the issue that they (and possibly others) are experiencing.

[blowski]

Here's an example of what a constructive, friendly email might look like, in contrast to what Tom sent.

>>>

Hey Don, thanks for all the hard work you've put into Notepad++ over the years. I've never paid you a cent, and yet I've personally made quite a bit of money from using the product.

Despite how obviously useful the product is overall for me, there's a niggle I've got, that I'd love you to solve. Let me know if I can do any hands-on work to help you fix it. I'm probably not good enough to write code, but maybe I could help with testing, writing documentation, or giving you more detail on the issue.

Or maybe I should, you know, give you some cash.

Anyway, the issue I'm having is around using the settings. I'd like to use the application with a specific UI - greenish background, black text, highlighting what's selected. The way I've configured it sort of works, but has a white background when I move the cursor around. This is probably me doing something wrong, but I can't work it out - I've searched on the internet, but can't find a solution. Here are the settings I'm using. [...] Let me know if I can provide more details that would help reproduce the problem.

Thanks again for all that you do to make Notepad++ the great product that it is.

[pddpro]

Doesn't have to be this verbose even. Just a "I've been using Notepad++ for years now, thank you so much for it!" and a bit of "I understand that there are many issues that require your attention right now but there's this thing I'm struggling with..." Would've done.

Honestly, this looks like a troll's work. I personally would've ignored him/her because of the adage, "don't feed the trolls"

[vsl]

It’s not a troll (someone being deliberately offensive). If you make something free, you do get some amount of just this kind of entitled, abrasive users. It can be soul-draining and I admire Don’s kindness here.

[avgcorrection]

We’re talking about constructive feedback. This template:

- Praises the product and the hard work

- Says that it is so useful to them [but it wasn’t for this user, though?]

- Volunteers to help with what they want to solve

- … and yet also chastises themselves for probably not being good enough to contribute the most holy CODE. More praise of the author by putting oneself down?

- Finally gets to the suggestion in the fourth and penultimate paragraph

- Oh silly me, it’s probably a user error on my part

- Praises the product again

You’re either taking the piss or are setting the bar so high that none of the “haters” are gonna feel inclined to send someone a matter-of-fact (not rude, and also not this submissive fanperson, either) constructive feedback.

[blowski]

This is my template, not _the_ template. What’s your template?

[avgcorrection]

Dunno but I found this thing lying around that I liked:

> I'm having an issue using the settings. I'd like to use the application with a specific UI - greenish background, black text, highlighting what's selected. The way I've configured it sort of works, but has a white background when I move the cursor around. Here are the settings I’m using and a screenshot of the problem.

;)

[blowski]

I’m British. Self-deprecation is the only thing I’m good at.

[Aeolun]

Hmm, any mail without the hate would be fine. This user is just showing what a good mail might look like?

[dataflow]

> Here's an example of what a constructive, friendly email might look like

What would constructive, unfriendly feedback look like?

[m_mueller]

Anything by Linus Torvalds.

[blowski]

>>>

I'm having an issue using the settings. I'd like to use the application with a specific UI - greenish background, black text, highlighting what's selected. The way I've configured it sort of works, but has a white background when I move the cursor around. Here are the settings I’m using and a screenshot of the problem.

[dataflow]

There's nothing unfriendly about that. It just doesn't go out of its way to exude overt friendliness, is all.

[breakfastduck]

'Unfriendly' does not mean the opposite of friendly. It means it is not friendly.

So that is by definition 'unfriendly' - because it does not exude any friendliness.

Just because it is 'unfriendly' does not mean it is 'rude'.

[SpEd3Y]

I agree. And ideally this is what all emails should look like. But you're ignoring the context. Do you know what that guy was going through?

Maybe his wife just cheated on him, divorced him and took half his money, his kids don't want to have anything to do with him, his bank took his house and he just crashed the car. And he tried to use Notepad++ and the same old issue happened and he snapped and sent that email.

99 out of 100 times he would have send the email you mentioned here but he had a horrible day and vented in the email. Does it make it ok? No. Is it understandable? Yes. Should we discard the feedback because he was frustrated? No.

[brewdad]

He didn't have to send that email at that moment if he was going through some stuff.

One's having a bad day does not excuse anti-social behavior. Ever.

[teddyh]

Someone being rude does not excuse ignoring their legitimate problem.

[BeFlatXIII]

Yes it does. I'm petty and proud. If they wanted it fixed, they would've taken the personal responsibility to have been born with a brain big enough not to be rude.

[lovich]

Does someone who doesn't pay you at all have a legitimate problem? Producing this product is charity, not indentured servitude

[deepbluev7]

If I have more problems reported every day than I can fix, the only productive way is to work on issues that people actually put time into reporting in a nice and well worded manner. Because usually only those people give feedback if something is fixed to their liking, stick around for long enough to actually test the fix and are reasonable enough to understand limitations or discuss alternative solutions.

If the only issue my application ever had was reported in such a rude manner, there might be a case to be made to fix it, even though it was reported in a hostile or rude manner. It might make the application better for people who didn't report the issue. But maybe it is more valuable to just spend that time on something fun or enjoyable like coding on something else or eating cake. There is no reason to waste your free time on rude people, when they have the option to just be nice and save you all the anger.

[happyraul]

Why not? Would that be rude?

[skeeter2020]

maybe not if they're paying for a product or support (which they're not in this case) but even then it puts them at the bottom of my list.

No Jerks cuts many different ways...

[politelemon]

Only true if you're expecting the author to behave like a robot and exist without any kind of emotion. I certainly don't see how you would call that constructive in any way.

Loose analogy, I don't watch videos of retail workers being abused and think, that customer is providing constructive feedback.

[vultour]

Maybe we just use a different definition of "constructive feedback", but my emotional perception of a comment has nothing to do with the classification.

"You suck and your software is a piece of crap" is not constructive feedback because there's no details to act on.

"Fuck you the submit button is obscured by the footer" is constructive even if the message has a personal attack.

You might choose not to act on comments due to emotions, but I don't think it invalidates any constructive feedback contained within.

[hatenberg]

And this right here is why a large number of engineers never make it pas mid-level. Thinking that the only things that matter are technical and the social aspects of communication are just unnecessary complications

[scraptor]

Understanding the things people are actually telling you without getting distracted by anger is also part of communications. You don't have to engage with the rude users but their problems are just as real.

[SpEd3Y]

Only true if you're expecting the the person who provided feedback to behave like a robot and exist without any kind of emotions.

Loose analogy, I don't watch videos with people buying a bike with no breaks, fall and get hurt, then go to the vendor and calmly explain to them that they should modify their bike design so the breaks function and think, that customer is behaving like a human being.

See what I did there? :) My analogy might not be great, I give you that. But frustration is a normal human behavior. Granted I strongly believe you should try to vent a different way and then give clam feedback, you can't discard feedback just because the person giving it is frustrated.

We should be able to distinguish between frustrated good feedback and just abuse. I know I was able to get feedback from very hostile messages. And last time I checked I'm not a robot. So it's as skill you can gain.

[samus]

Open source developers should disregard hostile feedback out of principle, for their own sanity. The feedback might be valuable, but it's ultimately not worth mining for because they get very little for their work, donations at best. Commercial customer support stuff at least get a regular income for their trouble.

[SpEd3Y]

Yeah, frustration breeds frustration. So I agree that it's better to disregard it if you can't handle it.

But I'm just wondering, is it possible to ignore the form of the message and listen to the content? Looking back the stoics were very good at controlling their own emotions and dealing with insults. Insults would just not get to them, they would bounce right off them. Is this a skill we've lost as a society?

It seems that nowadays we're focusing external, not internal. Instead of developing a thick skin we're focusing on changing the behavior of the people who's insulting us. To me that seems like a pointless endeavor. You can't change someone else behavior if they don't want to cooperate. And without a thick skin, all it takes is one jerk to ruin your day. With thick skin the insults from a jerk bounces off you and your day is still a good day. So, it seems to me that we should focus inwards instead of outwards. Not saying it's easy. Just saying humans were capable of that in the past, nowadays I don't hear anybody talking about it.

[obscura]

While this the feedback in this mail indicates a problem, even if you remove the emotional language I don't believe it's constructive. Constructive feedback would not just indicate a problem, but also provide guidance/suggestions on how to correct it.

[z3t4]

In feedback like this I filter out the useful information. No need to hurt your ego, or go on the offense, if you instead respond by asking questions that show you do care and understand you will often get a more humble response.

[scotty79]

> Why should one have to put up with mails like this?

I think we should have universal single character symbol for responding to assenine communications (trolling, entitlement, stupidity and such).

I propose

k

Vertical line sybolises the barrier behind which trolling, entitlement and stupidity remains and the rest sybmolises me propping the barrier with my butt while being completely uninterested.

You may see it also as last step of evolution that brought us such responses as Ok and kthxbye.

[r3dk1ng]

k

[no_time]

>Why should one have to put up with mails like this?

...You don't have to. You can write mail filters that send stuff like this straight to spam. I even did it at a workplace. Admittedly, that is a bit more hairy but now I atleast understand why passive aggressiveness was invented.

[nkozyra]

> I understand the argument of being professional, but it's very draining to have to absorb personal attacks and ill-mannered outbursts while never being able to respond in kind.

I used to agonize when I'd get feedback like this, rude or not. It is emotionally draining, but I always tried to extract something from it. As mentioned elsewhere, I've reacted poorly in the past and really regret it.

I will point out that this really isn't "in kind." The email response was, but publicly posting it and letting other users know how similar emails will be treated is an escalation.

[duxup]

> but publicly posting it and letting other users know how similar emails will be treated is an escalation

That's an escalation?

Nobody knows to Tom is so he's all good. Everyone else now knows what the dev puts up with and how they feel about it. Maybe someone knows now that being a jerk over email won't get them what they want?

I don't really see any escalation here.

[luma]

I'd call it "setting boundaries". The author has zero reason to accept anyone's bullshit for a passion project that they give away for free. If author wants to put users who do not understand this dynamic on blast, that is 100% understable and I fully support their response.

There are a lot of people here who work in a business setting and are conflating the sorts of behaviors that can be expected in a paid setting with those more appropriate to a gratis effort.

[hypfer]

> will be treated is an escalation.

Yes but what else should you do? Just let it bottle up inside you? Why? Because you were dumb enough to release software as open source? Does publishing software as open source mean that you have to stop having any emotions?

[Kinrany]

In what sense is it an escalation?

[nkozyra]

In the sense that it goes from private communication to public.

[samus]

It's a hallmark of entitlement to expect abusive communication to stay private. Not publishing the name is a good idea though.

[nkozyra]

> It's a hallmark of entitlement

Please. If you email me - regardless of content - the expectation is we're having private communication.

[samus]

When you email me, regardless of topic, the expectation is a minimal level of manners and politeness. Yes, privacy too, but if it is actually a bug report, there is no such expectation because the content could in principle end up in a bug tracker.

[ClumsyPilot]

that would only be true if he named and identified the guy

[hsbauauvhabzb]

I find azure infuriating. What’s worse is they continuously ask for feedback. Do you think they even listen?

These days I take every opportunity to fill it out with ‘FIRE YOUR UX TEAMS’

[Aeolun]

> I don't see why a response in kind shouldn't be given

Well, it feels good in the moment, but crazy people like this always engage, so you get dragged into an argument that drains your emotional reserves for no benefit.