[tacostakohashi]

For a lot of people in (senior) management, their primary skill is bullying other people to do their job for them, get things done their way, get it done faster, etc. It's not some unfortunate personality issue that they could stop doing, it's a core part of how they operate.

Of course, explicit bullying and abuse are not acceptable, so these people are also experts in plausible deniability, implying things but not writing them down explicitly, going right up to the line but not over it, talking about work-life balance while setting the impossible deadlines, etc.

Unfortunately it's not an accident, so you have to learn to deal with it, and to some extent reciprocate, it's never going to go away.

[catchnear4321]

“You have to learn to deal with it.”

Society would be so much better if this suggestion were recognized to be as problematic as the behaviors and situations it is suggested for.

Yes, you have to decide how you will handle these situations and individuals.

No, you do not just have to learn to deal with it.

No, you do not need to learn to reciprocate.

Both of these actions reward the bad behavior. You even point out that perceptible bullying isn’t ok, so the bullies have evolved. They got sneakier. So why is it that sneaky bullying is ok? No, it won’t go away, not if we decide it is to be tolerated.

These are choices that lead to outcomes. And that advice sounds no better than the advice to “just toughen up” or “stop whining” that I’m sure many remember hearing (or delivering) in their youths.

If time is money, so is mental health, and you would not believe the conversion rate on that one.

As for the first two paragraphs? I agree.

[andreilys]

When you have to handle someone with kid gloves that requires more time & effort than someone has.

There’s a reason most execs write curt emails, b/c they have 1001 things to handle and your feelings rank low.

Toughening up is about acknowledging that your emotional well being is not everyone’s #1 priority. You are responsible for that, and nobody else.

[catchnear4321]

The exec may have 1001 different, arguably more important things to do. That has nothing to do with how the exec acts. Hell, maybe I have 1002 today. I’m too busy to count, and why are we measuring?

Why exactly is it that shit rolls down hill? Because we are told that’s how it works. And to toughen up and get over it.

That is one option. Not the only one.

The exec doesn’t deserve kid gloves either. So that doesn’t seem relevant. Nobody deserves kid gloves. Decent behavior is not kid gloves.

It isn’t toughening up to allow others to act like children. But again, the language is used deliberately. The problem is conveniently your not toughening up - not someone else being an ass.

[water8]

Everyone is human and everyone has bad days. In “learn to deal with it” what you’re really learning to deal with is the fact that humans are imperfect and every time you erupt when someone else is erupting is a recipe for disaster. Sometimes you have to deal with problems or inconveniences in order to not cause bigger problems

[catchnear4321]

At face value, I agree.

The moment a system begins to expect individuals to bear that burden unevenly, it starts to rot. The moment a system is deliberately set to do this in such a way that it “rolls downhill,” the system is a failure.

Whether you are the CEO or the janitor, you are human. Oddly the CEOs seem to forget that more often than the janitors. Aren’t we all just shocked.