I used to rent a place, furniture included, but everything smelled funny.
Later in the year, during rainy season, I bought a used raincoat. It too smelled funny, and I soon discovered, by googling, that apparently people with a rubber fetish may do things to such garments.
Horrible horrible things.
Soon after, I became concerned about my smelly apartment. I started to google, but everything I googled with the word "fetish", returned unspeakable results.
Each worse than the last!
So I bought new furniture, bedding, cutlery(oh god!), plates, everything.
Even toilet brushes are not safe from the horrors, so I bought one of those too.
One night, I woke up in a start. An idea was in my head, and I rushed to google, and horribly found that factory workers making my stuff, have fetishes too.
Nothing safe, I disposed of it all.
I got out my chainsaw, and cut down a tree. I made plates, cutlery, even a wooden cup! And ate off of these plates and so on. However, just last week, I noticed a squirrel apparently randy and without a mate, doing something to a tree!!
There is no end of the perversion I tell you, no end!!!
So now I sit in the corner, drool upon my chin, eyes glassy and void of energy.
(Brought to you by bbarnett's house, and the embarricon virus.)