[maybedks]

I was in foster care in WA.

I was placed with "kin" and was abused further, then back to foster care, then placed with "kin" and abused further, then back to foster care, then placed with "kin" and was large enough to not be abused in the same way, then aged out and never spoke with those people again. The same with my brother (who is now addicted to drugs, living on the streets) and my sisters (went to different side of family, eventually adopted out, still went through drugs/homelessness).

Reflecting on it as an adult -- the "kin" experienced the same hardships, culture, values, and limitations in every case as my parents. Outside of straight up abuse (which was present within foster care and with "kin") the problem wasn't really with individuals (my parents or other guardians), it was poverty and problems stemming from poverty (e.g. drug abuse, homelessness). Everyone in my family and community was poor, and had been for generations, so I got fucked over by the system again and again. I lucked out of that cycle, but my siblings (and now their kids) did not.

[wolverine876]

> the problem wasn't really with individuals (my parents or other guardians), it was poverty and problems stemming from poverty

I hear this again and again from people who have experienced it. For some reason, the message doesn't get through to the rest of society.

[rajin444]

> I hear this again and again from people who have experienced it. For some reason, the message doesn't get through to the rest of society.

Not a good opinion, but how do we know what the real problem is? How do we objectively assess it without a better understanding of genetics?

[wolverine876]

And without a better understanding of sunspots and powerline radiation? One wonders why genetics is such a priority for some people!

What happens when we learn that your genetics are inferior? Nobody ever seems to think of that outcome. ;)

[gowld]

It's a very hard problem. Not all parents and kin are talented or loving caregivers. Similarly for foster parents, who may be looking for a victim to abuse or exploit for funding.

Parents generally have a strong biological emotional bond to their children, and people who have lived together for mny years often develop a bond too. It's hard to create that bond if it's failed or never existed.

[wolverine876]

I think you may be misunderstanding the GP's statement of the problem: It's not parenting or bonds, it's poverty.

> Outside of straight up abuse (which was present within foster care and with "kin") the problem wasn't really with individuals (my parents or other guardians), it was poverty and problems stemming from poverty (e.g. drug abuse, homelessness). Everyone in my family and community was poor, and had been for generations, so I got fucked over by the system again and again.