compare yesterday's you vs today's you.
comparing yourself to others is a losing game, often detrimental.
I'd consider moving away from the current place of living and reorganize your thoughts.
Thanks for the words. Can't move due to custody arrangements, unfortunately. I dream of simply leaving it all behind, but I'm not willing to lose my kids so I endure for their sake.
I suggest you to speak to a mental mentor. I never thought of doing it but recently did and it helped me.
I have a friend who went through similar. I've known him about 10 years now. Trust me it gets better over time. He did move to another state(province in Canada) though.