[throwaway99923]

Thanks for the words. Can't move due to custody arrangements, unfortunately. I dream of simply leaving it all behind, but I'm not willing to lose my kids so I endure for their sake.

[taesu]

I suggest you to speak to a mental mentor. I never thought of doing it but recently did and it helped me.

I have a friend who went through similar. I've known him about 10 years now. Trust me it gets better over time. He did move to another state(province in Canada) though.