[wolverine876]

My unfounded theory: As with most miscommunication and conflict, the 'conflict' between 'dad' joke tellers and youthful audience is because the two parties are using the same thing (jokes) for different purposes. To describe people very, very generally:

'Youth' are displaying their social capacity - their humor, their communication ability, their ability to navigate social situations, their ability to play, etc. They are trying to show how clever they can be in order to attract others, and maybe due to living in competitive social situations (school). The level of funny and socially cleverness is the whole point. The audience is trying to find fault, to a degree.

'Dads' and older adults of all types are trying to bond and model loving behavior, especially with the youth with whom the older adults are rarely competing. The audience is presumed to be trying to bond too - they are trying to find the love and enjoyment. A dumb joke adds to the humor, because now the teller becomes a target of laughter, and models vulnerability and trust.

When the 'dad' tells a dumb joke, the two parties understand it completely differently. One thinks or says, 'Oh my god, that's so embarrassing!'. The other thinks, 'Yes, you get it! :D'

[conductr]

This sounds quite familiar to my experience with my 3 year old. He tells jokes back to me that are just as absurd and we try to one up each other. Since he’s learned a good deal of vocabulary and matching and opposites, he finds things that unexpectedly clash hilarious

knock knock … porcupine who? Porcupine bulldozer - makes no sense why those things belong together and that’s what makes it funny. Then we’ll laugh and he'll ask me knock knock and come up with something just as ridiculous.

For me, it’s totally a bonding experience. I get to see what makes him laugh. Try to stump him. Sometimes come up with one spontaneously that surprises him. And generally, be my kids best friend at this age.

I’m also a serious adult. I don’t joke around with my friends like I did in my youth. My hangout sessions with friends are all calendared weeks/months ahead. I have friends, we joke, but it’s different and not side splitting type jokes; more like chuckles. Before my son, I couldn’t tell you how long it had been since I laughed to tears (10+ years probably). So this helps me rediscover my humor, bond with a kid like I did when I was a kid when I built my strongest friendships and relive my youth in a way.

I’m in 40s with a 3 year old kid and what I don’t quite understand is, don’t dads of all ages do this? Is it really a 35+ thing? Or is that because when the kid is a teen is when they start thinking dad jokes are cringeworthy instead of funny.

[saghm]

> knock knock … porcupine who? Porcupine bulldozer - makes no sense why those things belong together and that’s what makes it funny. Then we’ll laugh and he'll ask me knock knock and come up with something just as ridiculous

Apparently when the older of my two brothers was fairly young, he would tell knock-knock jokes where the punchline was always the phrase "smashed into toothpaste". "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Elephant?" "Elephant who?" Elephant _smashed into toothpaste_!" My parents weren't sure exactly what he meant by that (maybe he heard about something being "ground into a paste" and assumed that toothpaste was made in the same way?), but it became a family in-joke, and even though he had stopped by the time I was old enough to converse, I'm still just as familiar with the form.

A similar family meme came from my dad playing a basic word game with my older brothers once when I happened to be present as a toddler. My dad would prompt them in the form of "one <X:singular>", and they were supposed to respond with "two <X:plural>", like "one sheep...?" "two sheep" or "one ox...?" "two oxen!" Not understanding the pattern, I interjected at one point with one of my own: "one juice, two lava!" To this day, none of us are quite sure what I meant by this (including me!), but it was memorable enough that it's the only part of this game that we remember.

[wolverine876]

> I’m also a serious adult. I don’t joke around with my friends like I did in my youth. My hangout sessions with friends are all calendared weeks/months ahead. I have friends, we joke, but it’s different and not side splitting type jokes; more like chuckles.

I see adults do that, but I don't understand it. To me, 'serious' means having consequential responsibilities, prioritizing them, and reliably delivering on them. That doesn't rule out side-splitting laughs when it doesn't interfere with the responsibilities, does it?

[conductr]

> I see adults do that, but I don't understand it

If this implies you are not yet an adult or a young adult, it may also explain why you do not understand it (no offense meant just pointing out it may be a lack of perspective).

I suppose I mean "serious" as in my demeanor and general attitude is mostly tied up in those things like responsibilities and the deadlines and conversing about business, world events, catching up, etc instead of all the free time, lack of responsibility, and ensuing shenanigan's that comes with youth [my youth]. As you age you slowly accrue more and more "responsibility" such that it's difficult to even get in the right headspace, company, and context that would even present a side-splitting laugh situation. It's not that I was overly stoic. I laughed, hard even, but not where I couldn't breath or I was literally rolling on the floor.

It's not that I somehow lost the ability but it's like if you stop working out because the new job is too busy or you are spending all your free time caring for a household/relative. Your health probably doesn't decline a ton in the initial months or even year. But fast forward 10 years and you find that not only did you not work out, but you also let your diet slip, and maybe accrued some weight. Sure you can visit the gym, you didn't forget how to work out, but you lost the habit and you have to work a bit harder to get back what you once had.

[wolverine876]

I see what you mean now and I've been there. FWIW, blocking out a little time for myself daily - e.g., early in the morning - has transformed me. Just a little time where I am the highest priority (obviously not true in extreme circumstances, but I mean have the discipline and seriousness to make it true 99% of the time) has made an enormous difference in my productivity and my ability to be close to loved ones. The loved ones are especially happy with the results.

Also, with the demands of time, I (mostly) cut out unhealthy coping and relaxation and replaced it with healthy things I love - e.g., someone might cut out drinking and replace it with bicycle riding, if they like it. I define 'unhealthy' by asking, 'will I feel better when I'm done with this activity than when I started?' It took awhile to find healthy activities I love, but that was just a matter of exploring options, which was healthy and enjoyable itself. There's just no time for the unhealthy stuff.

Finally, I felt I wasn't cognitively as flexible as I used to be, and I watched what flexible young people do (and studied other sources), and made sure that 'me time', and other activities when possible, includes exploration - following my nose or my passion, without a defined destination. That also has made an enormous difference.

Others' mileage will vary, but I hope that helps someone!

[hluska]

I like to laugh and still share side-splitting laughs with my friends, but I understand their point. There’s an entirely different level of laughter where my child is involved. She’s six now so I’m used to it but when she was little, I could truthfully say that I had never laughed so hard in my entire life. That’s not quite true - I have laughed that hard but the emotional side of parenting makes everything into a superlative.

[drchiu]

Yes, definitely. One either graduates to being able to not take oneself seriously (ie. by telling embarrassing and not-mean jokes, and sometimes being on the receiving end of one) or not.

I'd like to think dad jokes are a good thing.

[dwringer]

There is a lot of overlap but plenty of self-deprecating jokes are way too blue to be considered "dad jokes". Still I think you're right and that's just a variation of the same thing. Just... "adult" dad jokes. Makes me think of watching podcasts with people like the late greats Norm Macdonald, Gilbert Gottfried, and Bob Saget.

[lmkg]

NSFW dad jokes are called uncle jokes.

[pseudotrash]

What are you doing step uncle?

[fknorangesite]

Don't.

[christophilus]

I can only speak for myself, but I tell dad jokes 100% for the "Oh, my god, that's so embarrassing!" response, and really no other reason. The bigger the sigh / groan / more exaggerated the eye-roll, the better.

[wolverine876]

I'm not supposed to say this on HN, but you're a troll! ;)

[lupire]

Also, the child doesn't remember when they were younger and loved the joke.