[eyelidlessness]

I have a phone call with my stepmom most weekdays. Part of the call always involves discussing what we plan to do for the day. She’s very impressively technical about the things she’s interested in, but our areas of expertise have very little overlap. I find it rewarding for both of us, and a really good mental exercise to “explain it to my stepmom” and find we both share some understanding at the end of the conversation, and I know she does too when I’m hearing her goals and ideas.

Learning how to communicate with anyone is hard. But it’s very worthwhile if we can.

[unfocussed_mike]

This was my telephone life with my Dad for thirty years, all of his later life and almost two thirds of my life, even well into his dementia (because his memories of his professional career were really untouched by it).

After only one month I already miss it enormously.

I am very glad you find these calls rewarding and I am certain she does too. I am going to have to find someone to fill this role in my own life again.

[O_H_E]

I'm sorry for your loss, and I am glad that you had a fulfilling relationship with your dad.

It sounds like you are steadily strolling the road of healthy grieving, I'm sure he would be proud.

Keep your head above the water my friend.

[unfocussed_mike]

Thank you.

And yes -- navigating the line between the endings/beginnings bit, the loss (which it is), and tragedy (which it isn't) is difficult but this time around I am finding it easier.

One of the things I have already realised is that explaining-stuff-to-my-Dad is portable. I can do it in my head. And when I can do that without tears, I'll be able to add my Dad to any audience in the future, and hear his questions as well as theirs.

[eyelidlessness]

I’m terribly sorry for your loss. I very much appreciate your reply, and I hope you find the person you want/need in this role.

If I may be presumptuous as a stranger who’s grieved several special relationships to offer advice, please try to catch yourself if that pursuit/search feels like it’s looking for a substitute for your Dad the person. Whichever relationship like that comes next will be both familiar and unusual. It might still be worth pursuing even if it doesn’t feel right at first.

[greggsy]

Back in my service desk days, we were encouraged to write and revisit SOPs in our downtime as it is and excellent way to pick up how things work, and how to write in a style that everyone is on board with.

The most effective part of that system was to get the older lady in accounts to run through some of the processes that required detail and rigor to see where things weren’t clear enough.