[jonahx]

>is because it's almost impossible to express this feeling to someone without that person drawing the conclusion, to some degree, that you enjoy their company less than they thought.

Not only is it not "almost impossible" -- it's easy. Especially if you have a reputation for being honest.

"Listen, I am feeling like shit right now, and won't have fun if we go out. It's got nothing to do with you. Can we reschedule?"

[mitchdoogle]

By the author's metric, I think this statement would be "Active" if it were an honest statement, i.e. you're actually sick, but it would be "Avoidant" if it is deceptive

[librish]

The problem is that this is what people say even when it does have something to do with you.

[jonahx]

I mean, in the same sense that it's "a problem" when a con man gives the same pitch as a trustworthy salesman.

The solution isn't for the trustworthy to stop honestly describing their products. It's to gain a reputation for honesty.

Also, you'll the know the truth from the context of your overall relationship, or, if that is thin, when they do actually reschedule.

[librish]

Yes but empirically the chance of someone rescheduling is low.

[mgfist]

So? It's not your responsibility for someone else's insecurity - and in fact, if you stop to assume that they think this way, you'll find that they 9/10 times do not.

[librish]

I'm not sure how responsibility plays in. Being bluntly honest lowers your chance of making friends, in my experience.

[nkrisc]

You can't control what other people think about you. Better to just tell the truth instead of trying to shape their opinion of you.